Dreaming Alone
by LenaHorror
Summary: Katniss Everdeen was the face of a Rebellion at the age of seventeen. She makes a decision to leave what she knew as familiar while returning home but she wonders if she made the right decision with her heart.
1. ONE: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER -KE-

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 2.1K to current.

[ **Author Note** ] This was something I wrote up after coming home from seeing _Mockingjay Part 2_. I'm considering doing my first legit multi-part fanfiction in years with this so any feedback would help me decide on whether to continue or not. Thank you in advance and I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

 **CHAPTER ONE: I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER**

My relationship with Gale Hawthorne is somewhat storied. Everyone knows that he was the one that I let get away. For what, exactly? For something safe? For something more secure? I can't even be sure the real reasoning other than my blaming him for Primrose's death. I blamed him, if for nothing else, the fact it was easy to. Gale was always someone I could put everything on his shoulders and know he wouldn't falter.

Maybe that was the beginning of where I was wrong.

After the rebellion and the war that changed my very world, I returned to the graveyard that was District 12. The home I grew up in, the home I knew, it was the very place that I felt slighted me as I was growing up. Being poor as filth my entire upbringing and throwing my name in the Tesserae every year to ensure a meager year's supply of grain and oil for my family, was not an upbringing anyone should have endured. I went back there for the familiarity. I went back there because home was home. Victor's Village still stood tall and despite going home alone, at least it was home.

Being Katniss Everdeen was never a glamorous life but the Hunger Games glorified my struggles. It glorified all of our struggles. As a community, as a country, as a race of human kind, that was what the Hunger Games was: a glorification of terrible proportion over human suffrage. President Snow salivated over the idea of watching children from each district die for the Capitol's amusement but with him dead and President Alma Coin dead from District 13, what was next?

So many things raced through my head but the biggest thing for me was simple: Did I make the right decision? When I said goodbye to Gale after, in so few words, blaming him for Primrose's death, I intended to never see him again. I swore to myself that I had made up my mind and my decision was a simple one. I could never love someone who let my little sister die. I could never consciously give my heart, my soul and my loyalty to someone who was the mastermind behind the one person I cared the most in the world no longer being alive. I couldn't cope with Prim not being around and my mother not returning to 12 after the Rebellion was a difficult transition. I was barely eighteen and alone in the world when it all went down.

At least that was what it felt like.

My father died in a mining accident when I was a child, my sister was now gone due to an explosion and I watched her die. My mother was in District 4. The grief was too much for my mother to return to 12 and I understood that. Now. She lost so much and District 12 would only remind her of the grief she had to endure. She moved on to 4 so she could head up a new hospital there, therefore she did well and was helping others. It was sad, is all. I never really had my mother after my father died and when I needed her as a technical adult, I didn't have her. Strange how that worked. I felt no negativity toward her, though. She couldn't cope and well, to be honest, I'm not sure I was coping all that much, either.

Victor's Village felt colder without the warmth my mother and Prim brought to it when they lived with me after the 74th Annual Hunger Games. I was gifted this house, along with other victors of the long standing tradition of Panem, and as long as I had it, they were there. We went from our home in the Seam to a house built for Kings and Queens. Effie thought it was "quaint" but it was far bigger and more glamorous than anything I ever had growing up. It was a small taste of the Capitol's wealth thrown at the people who endured the Hell that was the Hunger Games. I had to kill people to obtain the home and that is not something I am proud of to this day. So much blood was shed over the course of 76 years...

All that really remained of that time were the various Victor's Villages in the districts surrounding in Panem.

I realize now that I've become sidetracked. I do that sometimes. I go on tangents and I can never keep my head straight. I was talking about Gale and my choices. Knowing he was in District 2, after securing a fancy government job after Snow's fall and Coin's assassination, I knew he was doing well. He always insisted that if he didn't live in 12, he would have a family and the whole normal life thing. As I laid on my sofa in 12, I had to wonder: was he going to get that? With the job of a government official, ironic really considering Gale's detest for Panem's stature when we lived in 12, it wouldn't have been hard for him to secure that kind of thing. It also wouldn't be hard for him to find a woman who'd love him for the strong, stubborn jerk that he was. It was always the part of Gale I found the most charming. When he was especially difficult, I saw myself in him, and it would bring even the slightest of smirks to my face. Even when I didn't want him to know I was tickled by something he'd say, it was an involuntary thing.

I always had something special with Gale and at the end of the day, I often wondered if I did the right thing. I was satisfied with never seeing Gale again after the Rebellion as I never thought I could look at the man the same way after my sister's death. Was it really his fault, though? The look on his face when I told him goodbye still burns into my eyes and into my head. Why did I pick Peeta in that moment? I overheard Gale in the sewers tell Peeta I would pick whomever I thought I couldn't live without but now I was second guessing myself. I do that a lot but this wasn't like any other time because I never questioned myself about this.

I knew I loved Peeta and after watching his struggle, my heart felt content with the familiarity. Peeta was a lot different than Gale in all ways that a person could be a polar opposite. He was effortlessly kind where as Gale was guarded. He was charming and sweet where as Gale was rugged and heated and stubborn. Peeta had a smile that could light up an entire room from the deepest, darkest gloom. Gale had the softest smile that revealed the deepest, darkest parts of his heart and soul but a person who didn't know him would never notice that. They'd never know the depths of him like I did.

Like I did...

The very inner workings of Gale Hawthorne was something I was versed in. Why did I turn away from that? I went with the safe option. Despite Peeta's situation with being hijacked, he was the safer of the two. Gale was so unpredictable and he was so thick headed that sometimes it drove me crazy. I guess when I walked away from him, I walked away from that chapter in my life. Even with Peeta being back in 12, though, my head wouldn't rest. I didn't want to think I made the wrong decision but I found myself mentally visiting 2. I wondered often how Gale was doing, wondered if he was happier there than he ever was in 12. I hoped he was happier, because if anyone deserved it, it was Gale. He worked so hard to help my family out when I was in the Games, the second Games, and beyond. He kept food on his family's table when he was barely a boy himself and helped me with mine. I tried to help him, too, but Gale was always a great provider. He kept my mother and my sister safe when I was off playing pretend with Peeta Mellark for the Capitol's entertainment. He was the grounded force back in 12 that I strive to get back to and leave the charade of superiority behind me. That normalcy, that warmth, that silent strength, those worn in hands, those defined arms and features... that was what and who my heart ached for at my lowest.

Why did I let him go when I had the opportunity to choose him for once? Why would I do that...

The man who always put me first deserved so much more than I gave him and that guilt ate me up to my very core. I never realized how much guilt in that form could hurt and gnaw and claw inside of someone's gut. I felt guilt before, plenty of times, but none quite like the guilt I felt regarding Gale.

There was an internal struggle for what felt like months. Peeta was happy with the regular, every day things back in 12 with us living close to Haymitch again. Haymitch finally was settled and seemed to be in a better place, Peeta was getting better every day while inside I was screaming at the top of my lungs. The internal struggle of not knowing whether I made the right decision or not was killing me faster than any nightlock could have.

Logically, my heart told me to get a hold of him. If for nothing else, to ask him how he was. I didn't want to be the unwanted, unwelcome ghost from his past to show up over a year after the Rebellion, wanting an instant in back into his life. That would have been presumptuous on my behalf. I would have been repulsed if he did that to me and I expected the exact same reaction from him had I done it. As much as the feeling of hurting Peeta turned my stomach due to everything he had gone through, I couldn't lie and act like I was over Gale just to save face. I never had the opportunity to let my feelings for Gale run their course to begin with, with everything else that was going on at the point of my choosing. I never got to tell him, fully, that my heart ached for him. I never was able to tell him those three words in a genuine manner and have the meaning stick. I felt like I missed out on so many opportunities and so many misguided choices in trying to please everyone else. I forgot that pleasing myself was crucial.

I knew, though, that I also couldn't stay in 12 and pretend that I was the happiest I had ever been. I had to do something.

I was struggling with nightmares that kept me up at night but no longer were they nightmares provoked solely from the Games. These nightmares involved someone showing up at my door to tell me that Gale was killed in action or something awful happened to him. If I was truly happy with Peeta and our perfect little playhouse.

Even at almost twenty years old I couldn't make up my mind. I should have just wrote a letter but that was never enough for me and I was never good with words to do that kind of thing. I wasn't great with talking, either, as I had shown many times. It went with the whole "inability to be personable" thing that Haymitch rode my ass about but I was never out to be likable and personable. It may have been the bitter teenager inside of me, angsty and rude, but even now as an adult I didn't want to be the center of attention. I had enough of being the center of attention to fill four lifetimes and then some.

I knew I couldn't just walk away again and I made the decision that I needed to for me: I needed to go to District 2. I had to see Gale.

Impulse upon impulse, time after time, I always let my head go first. This time, it was an impulse that my heart made me jump for. I needed to do one of two things: I needed to tell him how I felt and tell him that he was always the only voice my heart could recognize or two, I had to let him go, for real this time. I had to wish him well and get that closure. The decision remained though, I had to go back to District 2.

For better, for worse... the outcome be damned. Gale Hawthorne was a chapter I needed closure on.


	2. TWO: THE ONE WHO WALKED AWAY -GH-

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 4.1K To Current.

[ **Author Note** ] This was something I wrote up after coming home from seeing _Mockingjay Part 2_. I'm considering doing my first legit multi-part fanfiction in years with this so any feedback would help me decide on whether to continue or not. Thank you in advance and I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

 **CHAPTER TWO: THE ONE WHO WALKED AWAY**

I remember the last time I saw her just as clearly as the first.

The first time I saw her, the circumstance had less of a stinging aura around it strange as that sounds. I taught her how make snares and provide for her mother and her little sister Prim. At first we weren't all too warm with one another but we eventually became best friends. Before I knew it, I fell in love with her and the rest is what they call "history". When she went to the first Hunger Games she participated in, I stayed in District 12 and I took care of her family as best I could. I worked the mines, hunted for both of our families, and did whatever it took to make sure they ate and were taken care of. It was what she asked me to do and I did that. Maybe I was crazy for always doing what Katniss asked me to do.

I never would admit it to her but Katniss broke my heart in ways I never knew a heart could break. I should have known that she would never pick me because I was only her best friend. For some reason I thought that maybe, just maybe, she would see through that veil of friendship and realize what we had was special enough to pursue. When she wasn't around Peeta, I was the fall back, but as soon as he was in the picture, I was old news. I wish it was more than jealous that I felt when it came to Peeta Mellark but before the 74th Hunger Games, he wasn't even on my radar. I didn't care about some "poor me" merchant's kid. I was a guy from the Seam who had to work for absolutely everything I had. The little bit that I could say I had was something I worked my fingers to the bone for and I had my pride. I didn't need much else. The only other thing I wanted wasn't a thing at all. It was Katniss.

I should have known better than to let myself get attached like that when I told her that I loved her and she could only respond with, "I know". That should have been all of the flags I needed to detach myself from her and let that be done. I didn't, though. I can't say with a straight face that I had the strength to walk away from her regardless of the situation. Katniss Everdeen was my be all, my end all, and the place that I saw as home. Suddenly home didn't feel as good when Peeta was a legitimate threat.

She told me that she didn't care about Peeta but I knew she was lying. I actually wasn't sure she knew she cared but I knew. It was written all over her face whenever something happened to him or because of him. When she kissed him in the Quarter Quell, I watched and I knew then and there that she was in love with him. It was no longer an act despite whatever it was she said. She was a confused girl and she didn't know what she was feeling, I understand that. She was put in the middle of some pretty rough shot stuff but at the end of the day, whenever she said she didn't love Peeta, she was lying straight to my face. There was a sense of betrayal there but I let it go because it was Katniss. If it was anyone else, I wouldn't have tolerated that kind of treatment. I know that I consciously invited her to walk all over me but the heart wants what it wants. I couldn't control that.

After the seige at the President's Mansion during the war mid-Rebellion, when the parachute bombs went off, I knew I lost her. She asked me, to my face, if they were mine and I couldn't answer her. I knew the answer, though, as much as it killed me. I never wanted anything bad to happen to Prim and Prim died as a result. Her blood was all over my hands and I felt a guilt that stricken me so deep that it physically hurt. Just looking at Katniss after the fact was painful and it took every ounce of willpower I could muster not to cry in front of her.

Then, it happened.

She said nothing to me when I went to walk away. Her face was stone cold and it no doubt mirrored the heart inside of her chest. When I walked away, I'm not sure what I expected but I never expected to have her say nothing to me to stop me.

She dismissed me and in that moment, I knew. Like I told Peeta she would, she'd pick who she thought she couldn't live without. Unfortunately, she knew she could live without me. She had done so. Now the main reason she was alive was dead and she couldn't look me in the face. I never thought I'd see the day where Katniss looked disgusted by my presence until that moment but that was a moment that has forever been etched into the very back of mind. When I left the Capitol, I went to District 2. I didn't go back to District 12 like my heart told me to. I couldn't go back there. Why would I? My home was destroyed. More over, I didn't want to be in the same location where Katniss and Peeta would no doubt be broadcasting and parading their sickening love story. I had seen enough of that to last a lifetime. The last thing I needed was to watch the woman I loved give all of her love, attention, affection and loyalty to another man.

I'll give Peeta credit, though: he did something right. He managed to not only play the Games to win, he played me to win, too. I started to support him, started to see him as an equal during the war, and saw how hard he fought back to get some sort of semblance of normal again. It would have been easier if he was easier to hate. He had a strength I didn't know Peeta could possess. I not-so-secretly resented him because he had it better than Katniss and me growing up but I also resented him out of pure, unadulterated jealousy. How could she pick him over me? I battled with that question and the very action of it left scars so deep emotionally that I wasn't sure I'd ever feel those type of feelings again. It was part of why I wanted to immerse myself in a new occupation. Something I knew I was good at. I was made for the military and that lifestyle was something I kept with after bidding a farewell to the Panem of old post-Rebellion.

District 2 was a nice place to call home, too. The weather wasn't too bad and it had a certain charm about it. Didn't hurt that District 2 was one of the largest districts in all of Panem. I think what made it better was that it was my opportunity to start over. I was able to start from scratch in a new Panem, a free Panem under new President, Commander Paylor, and I was able to work in an industry I knew like the back of my hand after my time as a soldier of District 13. Being a rebel had its perks and it helped me in my new line of work greatly. I'd say it was a little too close to the Capitol for my liking but with new leadership, it wasn't so bad. I warmed up to the Capitol a bit now that I worked for the government. Funny how that works, isn't it? I guess I just saw the other side and liked it enough to stay.

I had my fair share of interest in women but nothing was enough to stick. I met a woman named Alexis Ricci. She was originally from the Capitol herself and we got along well but I didn't pursue much outside of the occasional date here or there. It was something to do and it filled my urge for companionship. It didn't entirely feel right so I let it be. I didn't want to lead her on. I knew what it felt like to be lead on and I couldn't do that to another person. Contrary to popular belief I didn't have the heart to treat someone like that. It might have been the fact I knew first hand was it was like and didn't want someone to hurt like I did or something entirely else, but it was what it was. I made peace with my lack of interest in relationships and continued my job, happily. I didn't need relationships to feel justified or satisfaction. I hung my hat on someone else's shelf for far too long and had nothing to show for it. I didn't need to do that anymore.

Everything was going fairly well when one day, out of the blue, something changed.

It had been a year past the Rebellion and I had been in District 2 just about as long. When there was a knock at my door, I figured nothing of it. Perhaps a friend or something of the sort. I never anticipated what was standing on the other side of the door waiting for me when I answered.

"Hi, Gale."

There stood Katniss Everdeen. A girl I swore I'd never see again was standing at my door looking as nervous as I could ever remember seeing her look. She was alone, which made it all the more strange for me. I figured her lap puppy would be along for the ride if we were simply being casual and friendly. Alas, that wasn't the case. I didn't know what to say at first. I didn't know if I wanted to say anything at all. All I knew is that my expression must have said it all: every thought – both in the back of my mind and the forefront, every terrible curse I could possibly think of, every malicious comment I could conjure up... it was written on my face.

"I know that look." She relented. "I'll... I'm going to go... I'm really sorry that I bothered you."

"Katniss, wait..."

Words finally formed and came out. I reached out, my hand clasping gently around her forearm to hold her from walking away. When she turned, I saw something inside of her slate eyes I couldn't recollect seeing in that aspect. She looked dejected. She looked hurt. She looked like everything I could remember feeling because of her all because I didn't look happy to see her. What a strange turn of events. Yet, there I was, doing the one thing she didn't do for me. I stopped her from walking away from me. I gave her a courtesy she slighted me on.

"Come in and stay a while, would you?" I did my best to force a smile. I no doubt had to look awkward trying to formulate an expression that didn't want to come naturally all things considered. She didn't look convinced that I wanted her there, so I sighed. "I'm serious. Come inside. You had a long trip, so at least come relax and have a drink with me."

There it was. A small, barely there smile tugged at the corner of her lips. The smile I gave her in return that time was actually a bit more genuine and I no longer looked like a horse trying to smile past their teeth.

I had no idea what I was doing...

I felt like I had a problem to keep letting in the same person who stomped my heart into pieces. Time and time again; it wasn't just once or twice, it was repeatedly. I was a glutton for punishment but I didn't have the heart to turn her away. Maybe that made me the better person. Maybe that made me the stupid person. Regardless of the truth either way, I would never make her feel like she made me feel. I wanted her to know that she mattered to me. She wasn't replaceable by anyone or anything. She'd never feel like she made me feel by my hands or my heart. I couldn't do that to her.


	3. THREE: I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 8K To Current.

[ **Author Note** ] I am beyond stoked with the reception so far. THANK YOU to those who have left reviews and favorited so far! I haven't done this since I wrote on my former account, ~marlenasnape, many years ago so having a nice welcome back like that is radical. I appreciate the love so far. Hopefully you guys will continue to like this as I'm LOVING writing it! [None of this is pre-written either. I'm writing each chapter as I go and posting it as soon as I'm done. It's flowing so freely!] Yall are far too kind and I'm grateful for the sweet words. Let's enjoy this adventure together, shall we? :] Also, this chapter is a bit different: It's not a monologue chapter. I'm going to mark the monologue chapters clearly with a [KE] or [GH] from here on out to make deciphering the chapters a bit more fluid!

* * *

 **CHAPTER THREE: I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING, AND YOU DON'T OWN ME.**

Katniss would never forget the look of pure, unadulterated disturbance on Gale's face as soon as his crystal eyes came into crystal view. Her stomach flipped and dropped, her heart jumped into her throat, and she felt herself becoming clammy all over. She couldn't remember feeling so anxious around Gale. To be honest, she never had felt like that before much less from a simple look. He looked so unhappy to see her. Did she deserve him to be happy, though? She thought about it for a brief second and all of her fears were realized. Before she even left District 12 on the long trek to District 2 where Gale was, it ate at her: the probability of that exact moment happening. She wasn't prepared for it despite thinking about it. She had the gall and audacity to be surprised when it happened but what genuinely surprised her was the kindness in his voice and the gesture.

Gale had never felt so many negative emotions as he did when he laid eyes on Katniss after not hearing hide nor hair of the girl in a year. Logically, he swore by that time, her and Peeta would be long since married with a kid or two on the way. They had that very sugar-sweet styled romance that was nauseating to any onlooker. Admittedly, Gale was one of those onlookers that would rather left it than kept it but people would have insisted that was purely jealousy on his behalf. That may have been part of it and he would admit it without shame, but it went deeper than that. He didn't think Peeta deserved Katniss. Then again, for the longest time, Gale saw Katniss in the light of that above all. She was on a pedestal in his own head high above everyone else. Now, though, he had time to think about things rationally and realistically. Maybe she wasn't that supreme being he set her out to be. In fact, he knew she wasn't that supreme being. The Katniss he had on the pedestal never would have abandoned her heart and she wouldn't have abandoned someone who was so utterly selfless and loyal to every whim and every beck and call.

Being the bigger person prevailed for Gale, however, when he invited her inside.

He closed the door behind them carefully and he walked into the house with her. He had a decent abode himself, far better than anything he had in District 12, because of his position within the government. It was enough for him and he was satisfied with his surroundings. It was his to claim so that was something he couldn't always say. Owning something nice and having food on his table consistently were little things that Gale didn't take for granted with his new found success and monetary gains. He could have had a bigger head because of it but it didn't do him any justice. People would assume he was egotistical because of how he acted but he was the same Gale – just a bit more guarded.

Taking her coat, Gale lead Katniss into the sitting room and encouraged her to sit down. She watched every move he made like a hawk, deciding to go ahead and take a seat on the sofa. Gale hung her coat up and came over, sitting down in the chair across from the sofa, rather than sitting next to her. Katniss turned her head to look at him but Gale had an unreadable expression on his face. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. Gale usually had a story written on his face and she could usually read every word of it but now she was going into the situation with her guard shattered and her ability to read him non-existent. She didn't like it. He was doing it for a reason, she figured. If he didn't want to see her, all he would have had to do was say so but no... that wasn't Gale.

 _Damn you, Gale..._

"So what brings you to District 2?" Gale's words broke the silence in a painfully generic icebreaker manner. Katniss internally cringed from how scripted the question sounded.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," She started slowly, picking and choosing her words carefully. She couldn't remember ever being so careful with Gale but here she was, playing tip toe around a minefield with the one person she tried to always shoot straight with. "Is that a crime, Commander Hawthorne?"

"No, not in the least. At least, not in accordance with the United Nation of Panem."

Was that his attempt at a joke? It sounded far too dry to be a joke. Katniss merely gave him a soft smile in retort. _This is Hell_ , she thought to herself. _This is a legitimate form of Hell_... How awkward was it to sit with someone you could feel minor hostility radiating off of? She had never felt so uncomfortable in Gale's presence. She felt like she was sitting with a completely changed man. The truth was, Katniss was sitting with a changed man. She was sitting with the Gale Hawthorne who wasn't twisted so tight around her finger it was cutting off her blood circulation. He no longer owed Katniss anything and he wasn't about to sit there and act like the emotionally wounded boy who was in love with her. He was a grown man with a career of his own and he no longer was oppressed by District 12's standard of living.

"Why are you really here, Katniss?"

The question broke an uncomfortable silence that saw Katniss picking pieces of invisible lint off of her pant leg. She had become so enticed and distracted by the fabric because she didn't want to look up at the burrowing stare of Gale Hawthorne. She couldn't remember feeling so uncomfortable around him but she knew everything had changed between them. It was no fault of Gale's, really, as she was the one who refused to follow her heart and go after him before the assassination of President Coin. By the time she was let out of the cell, it was back to District 12 along side of Haymitch and she never saw him again. She could have stopped him when he went to walk away but she didn't. She blamed him for Primrose without verbally blaming him. She realized now, with hindsight being 20/20, that sometimes saying nothing was worse than saying something entirely stupid. At least if you said SOMETHING, it showed you cared. It haunted her knowing that Gale went to District 2 thinking that she didn't want anything to do with him. Maybe it was his turn to want nothing to do with her.

It would have been fair, after all. It also would have been her luck.

"I came here..." Katniss stated to say but she found a hitch in her throat that made her re-evaluate her approach. She then decided to go with honest and raw as opposed to muted and guarded. "Gale, honestly, I came here because I wanted to see you. I felt like I needed to see you. I couldn't stay away anymore..."

"So you made the tiresome trek across Panem to see me... and for what, exactly? To chat over tea about the good old days that are oh-so-missed?" His words had a sting of sarcasm in there but she tried to blissfully ignore it against her own will.

"No. I came to see you. In the now. See how you were doing, spend some time with you, catch up."

"You couldn't write a letter? That seems a lot less tiring and it's also a lot less intrusive than showing up at someone's home hundreds of miles away without so much as an announcement or fair warning."

 _Ouch..._

Katniss swallowed a lump in her throat as he spoke. Rather than saying anything, she slowly rose from the sofa. She didn't have anything to say to the comment he made and suddenly, the trip out there really felt like it was in vain. What was she expecting? Was she expecting him to open the door and take her into his arms, hug her, kiss her head, and call her 'Catnip' for old time's sake? His words blew her wide open but not in a manner of positivity. She walked around where Gale was sitting, her hand momentarily clasping his shoulder before she went for her jacket. She grabbed her jacket off of the hook that it was hanging up on and pulled it on over her shoulders.

Gale's attention shifted from watching her stand up to watching her grab her jacket. He exhaled a deep breath, silently cursing himself inside of his own head. What was he doing? Did he HAVE to be like that with her? Gale's temperament was something shotty now and then but he didn't need to be like that. He stood up from the chair and made it to the door right as Katniss was going for the handle. He stepped in front of her, looking down at her. He didn't need to say anything but when she looked up, he saw something in her face that he couldn't remember seeing directed at him. She looked crushed. He had no idea that telling her that her visiting was an intrusion would hit her so hard but there he was, faced with the aftermath of it. Words hurt and he should have known that. Better than silence? Sometimes he needed to learn to quit while he was ahead.

"Katniss, look. If I'm being honest with you, I never thought I'd see you again. So I'm sorry that I don't know how to react to it, okay? I'm not trying to be an ass to you... I swear."

She wasn't sure what to say to it but it was something like an apology. It was a Gale apology at the very least. She inhaled a breath and exhaled slowly through her nose. Her fingers were still gripping at the collar of her jacket after she removed it from the one arm she had it on when he stopped her from leaving. That was the second time he stopped her so was she a burden? Was she actually intruding? Why was he not letting her leave if he didn't want her there in the first place? Reading Gale was harder than Katniss ever realized it was but it started to click in her head. Perhaps the only reason reading Gale was ever easy was because he let her read him. He let her know everything there was to know about him when they were together in District 12 and District 13. Gale was in control of her ability to read him all along...

"Will you say something?"

When he spoke again, Gale's voice sounded slightly exasperated but the problem was, Katniss didn't know what to say. She had no idea how to formulate the thoughts to words inside of her own head. She never felt a struggle pulling her quite like that with one person. It was a struggle largely because Gale was everything to her at one point. Before she volunteered for the Games, she had it all planned out in her head. She was going to marry Gale, they were going to live together but they weren't going to have children. She didn't want children if they were in 12 because she didn't want their children to suffer like they did. They'd work hard and make a home together, they'd have a peaceful life together – or as peaceful as they possibly could have had in their circumstances – and that would be the end of it. They wouldn't ruffle any feathers and would be set to go. Then the Games happened and from the second she volunteered as Tribute for Primrose, she be came a pawn in the Capitol's sick and twisted game. It ruined absolutely everything. That was the big pay out: nobody ever won The Hunger Games. She lost Gale long before he left... she lost him as soon s she volunteered.

"Like what, Gale?" Katniss finally said, "What can I say to that? I'm not going to stand here and act like that wasn't hurtful but I can't say I blame you, either. I came here because I needed to apologize to you in person. Face to face, person to person, not over some communication line. I needed to tell you that I'm sorry I didn't fight harder for you. I needed to tell you that I am sorry for the way things ended and I am mostly sorry for not coming clean with you when you deserved that from the very beginning. I'm sorry for everything..."

Like a waterfall, the words fell out of her mouth and she had no ability to stop it. Whenever Katniss got worked up was when she was able to speak freely without the hindrance of her perpetual overthinking. Gale listened attentively to the words that came from her but at first, it seemed like none of it was truly registering. She apologized and was apologizing profusely but then it started to click. One subject at a time, it started to filter into his thought process. He never thought he'd hear her apologize for not fighting for him, so that took him off guard the most. The words that came from him were insensitive and he knew it as soon as they fell from his lips, but he couldn't stop it.

"Did you break up with Peeta or something? Did he dump you? Am I your sure-fire second? Is that why you're telling me all of this?"

Her facial expression was like broken glass cutting him straight into his core. She looked as if Gale physically hit her because her eyes began welling with tears as soon as the statement passed his lips. God, did he feel like a bastard but he couldn't stop it. It may have been said that Katniss deserved that razor sharp truth from Gale Hawthorne but Gale didn't want to be the one to give it to her quite like that. Reality was a cold thing but he never wanted to become so icy and so frigid with someone he once held in an esteem higher than the very sky above their heads.

"Wow. Katniss. I'm really sorry. I... I don't know where th-"

"No." She cut him off. "Just stop. I deserve that. I do. I deserve that and a whole hell of a lot more."

Katniss didn't want him to see the tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes so she did what she knew how to do. She brushed past Gale, opening the front door of his home. As soon as her feet hit the gravel outside, she slid her jacket onto her shoulders and she started walking. She was unsure where exactly she was going, as it wasn't like she was in her home District, but her pace picked up as soon as she heard Gale call after her.

"Katniss!" Gale called out, "Katniss, stop!"

She did the exact opposite. The patter of her walking pace became heavier as her feet hit the ground faster. She ran from Gale's front yard with an unknown destination in mind. Maybe she'd go back to the train station and get the first bullet out of District 2. Destination didn't matter as long as it took her away from there. What mattered was as sharp and painful as the cut was, the wound was there to bleed out, fester and eventually heal. The closure she sought was right in front of her. Gale thought he was a second choice, she wanted to apologize and now she had. Perhaps that was how their story ended. Katniss thought that settling for that kind of outcome was a hell of a lot better than waiting for a resolution that would never come. As much as it hurt and as much as she'd cry when she allowed herself to, it was probably better that he was so jagged with her. Had he sugar coated his thoughts, she wouldn't have known how he felt. Now that she knew, though, she felt a hollowness deep inside of her very core that ached beyond anything Katniss could remember. She felt like she lost the very last token of her inspiration locket from the second Games.

Her mother was gone off and doing her own thing and while there was open communication, it wasn't the same. Prim was dead. Gale might as well have killed himself in front of her from how much her heart bled. The pain that she felt proved something to her beyond any doubt, however, which was a sad twist and turn for her. It proved that she loved Gale beyond simply being a best friend. She loved a man that she knew was no longer on her radar. She got to see the other side of the coin and had a slight taste of what Gale must have felt way back when. The guilt that she felt previously was nothing compared to the stabbing ache inside of the very bones that kept her vertical. Her chest heaved as she ran, pain seeping into her lungs as she drew in sharp, agonizing breaths not just from how hard she was running but from how hard she was crying.

Upon reaching a clearing overlooking the mountain range, Katniss hit her knees. She doubled over, her lungs filled with crisp air and her own jagged breaths. Each breath that escaped her lungs felt like razorblades cutting into her organs. She held her right arm around her midsection, bracing the feeling of complete and utter wreckage inside of her stomach. Katniss felt sick to her stomach from how upset she was and she was afraid if she moved a certain way she would end up actually getting sick. She couldn't remember a nausea that onset so suddenly. To be fair, Katniss had only ever been that upset a couple of times. She couldn't remember if she ever felt that upset over Peeta despite how upset she had felt about him a few choice times. The pain from Gale's razor sharp statements and truths was beyond anything she could remember feeling with Peeta.

She did believe that she deserved it, though... that was something she was dead serious about.

Gale had gone inside to grab his own coat to slide on and then the race was on for him. He had to find Katniss before she left the District. He would be damned before going back to the living, breathing graveyard of souls that District 12 had become. He had to find her before she left and things ended on a note like that. He didn't think he could live with the consciousness of knowing how much he hurt her. Making Katniss cry was something that hit Gale like a ton of bricks. It made him realize a few choice truths that he no longer believed for himself.

The most obvious one was her emotions and her feelings still mattered to him. Katniss was still someone that, despite everything, he loved. He was no better than Peeta in his hijacked state, taking stab after stab at Katniss to upset her. The only problem was that Peeta was in a jaded mental state. Gale was stone sober and his head was on straight. He was a bastard, pure and simple, and he hurt the one person he had loved most of his life in ways he never wanted to fathom.


	4. FOUR: BLOW ME WIDE OPEN

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 11.1K To Current.

[ **Author Note** ] Please know that every comment is something I'm taking to heart in the realest way. Thank you guys for the love! If there's anything you'd like to see incorporated in the future, drop me a line with any input. I'll try to work in some of your ideas as well! 3

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOUR: BLOW ME WIDE OPEN**

Nightfall was blanketing District 2 and Katniss found herself amid miles of forest. Surrounded by towering spruce-fir, ponderosa pine, aspen and piñon-juniper, she didn't feel the least bit concerned. If anything, the surroundings made her feel safe. It was strange, how something as simple as inhaling the scent of spruce and pine could ease her very soul but it worked for her. She was always a nature enthusiast, given that she had no choice but to hunt, but she had some of her fondest memories in the woods outside of District 12's boundaries with Gale. He taught her so much about surviving in the wild and she knew it was something she could still do. She was laying on the forest floor, visually seeing her breath in the moonlight as she exhaled. It was cold that night but it wasn't bad enough that it found her seeking shelter or making a fire. The crisp air helped her calm down from how awful s he was feeling. The sensations of the encounter with Gale still hung heavily over her head and dangled heavy from her heart but she was trying to bring herself back down to Earth.

It was such a strange feeling to know what she was feeling now was something that Gale no doubt felt before. How could she make a person she cared about feel that way? It wasn't like it was intentional, since despite what others may have thought, Katniss wasn't a malicious person. She didn't feel the way that normal people felt. She didn't think the way that normal people thought. She had her own way of going about things and for the most part, it may have been considered "wrong" or "heartless" in some way, shape or form. Katniss wasn't a hateful or vengeful person and she wasn't aiming to hurt anyone the way she did. It was unfortunate that it had come to that. She needed to get herself back together before she headed back to District 12 to pick up the pieces that she had all but broken. Maybe she was better off alone. At least nobody would get hurt. Peeta could do whatever it was Peeta would do without her and Gale could easily forget about her. He made no qualms in holding back any punches that day so it proved a big point to Katniss.

What she didn't know, though, was Gale had gone out and hit the trails trying to find her. He knew that the wilderness that was copious in District 2 would provide comfort for her. It didn't hurt his case that he knew her like the back of his hands in a lot of ways. He knew that she'd always find solace in the trees and the water and the wilderness so it was the first place he started looking. Due to the vast amount of wooded area around the mountainous range that was District 2, however, it was nightfall before he had found her. He wasn't going to give up and occasionally, the call out of her name echoed through the otherwise silent, darkened woods. He didn't expect her to answer but maybe if she knew he was looking for her, she'd come out and make both of their lives significantly easier.

Katniss was watching the clear skies through the trees from her bed on the forest floor when she heard the raspy, smoky tone of Gale's voice echoing out through the nearby clearing. She couldn't help but sigh to herself. Part of her wanted to continue to lay there without a word largely because she wasn't sure how she wanted to approach Gale. Her heart was still in a thousand pieces inside of her chest but knowing he was looking for her after she took off from his home was not something she expected. Katniss figured she might have known better but... things had obviously changed. Gale had no reason to look for her, to try to mend things with her, anything like that, yet there he was, doing exactly that. Perhaps some things never changed.

"Go home, Gale."

Katniss finally broke the silence, relenting to give up her location to the determined man tracking her. Gale's head snapped when he heard the voice and caught the direction from where it originated. He walked in that direction and soon found Katniss laying on the ground, staring up at the inked black and blue sky that was speckled with tiny sparkles of light in the stars. Gale sat down next to where Katniss was laying, Indian style seating at first. His hands soon leaned back behind him, his legs out stretched, and his eyes turned up to look at the same sky that had Katniss so enamored.

"Like I'd ever listen to you." Gale finally audibly responded to Katniss and her comment of him going home. She didn't look at him, but merely grunted to herself.

"Like you'd listen to anyone."

"It's never been my forte to take orders. I'll do it if I absolutely have to but it's not my favorite thing in the world."

"I wonder if it's just me who finds that impossibly ironic considering what you do for work now."

There was a sound that came from Gale that Katniss never thought she hear again: he laughed. Maybe he found humor in her comment because of how true it was. Gale was a great soldier, that went without saying, but having someone who didn't take orders well in the military seemed like such a waste of time. She found herself wanting to smile but she didn't let herself. She didn't want to get comfortable with the idea of it considering how she felt on the inside. Gale on the other hand had no means of denying his humor with her comment. She couldn't have been more accurate. It was a bit funny all things considered.

"What are you still doing out here, Catnip? It's cold out here."

"I'm getting myself in a head space so I can go back to 12." She confessed quietly, her attention staying focused on the milky twilight over their heads. "The view out here is nice though, so I didn't want to go inside. It's not that bad. Living here has turned you soft."

"Oh, right. I'm soft because I don't like freezing my ass off. Got it." Gale used one of his feet to nudge Katniss lightly, which finally got her to look over at him. Even though it was dark, the moonlight was enough that she saw him smile. Gale always had such an infectious smile when he used it and she silently cursed to herself and the moon and stars above them. "Look. I'm really sorry about what I said back at the house. It was awful and uncalled for and I'm sorry."

"You weren't wrong though, so I guess it's neither here nor there." Katniss shrugged to herself, looking back up at the sky to detour her attention. "I deserved it. You were completely within your rights to say what you said and it's not like anything you said was a lie so..." Her words momentarily trailed off but it didn't seem to make Gale feel any better. Knowing that he upset her was not something that he liked or relished in.

"I could have gone about it a more civilized way. It was uncalled for."

"It's fine, Gale. I'm fine. You were right. If anything I should be apologizing to you but it is what it is, isn't it?"

There was a few minutes of silence between them. Gale moved over so he was laying down beside Katniss and the two of them were staring up at the stars together. It was a simple gesture but it was something that made Katniss feel safe and secure. Knowing that Gale was there was something she had taken for granted so many times before and now, she realized how important and how special that was. The past was the past and it was something she couldn't change but in the moment, she was finding it particularly easy to appreciate what was in front of her. Gale had always been a symbol of strength for her and as her heart was breaking, by his hands, he was still managing to help keep her head above water to keep her from drowning. It was such a strange happenstance and such a strange thing to realize but she did: Gale was more to her than just some boy she grew up with. She never felt the things she felt with Gale with anyone else in the magnitude that she did.

Katniss moved one of her hands so she could place it over Gale's as they laid on the ground together and the warmth of his skin brought a small, corner mouthed smile to her face. What made her actually smile though was feeling his hand turn and having his fingers lace between hers. It was a little gesture of kindness but holding his hand felt good. Even if it was a temporary thing, that comfort was something she needed. She didn't realize how much she needed it, either, until it was happening.

"I'm sorry I never went after you."

Her voice broke the silence between them after a few minutes of peaceful, blissful silence. The only other sound beside their breathing was the slight rustling in the trees around them until she spoke. When she said that, Gale's attention turned from drawing invisible constelations in the sky with the stars to looking at her. He could see her expression because of the white, luminous light from the moon overhead and she looked genuine. He could tell when Katniss was lying or not being completely serious because she was a piss poor liar. That was the one thing that he always knew he could get with Katniss and that was pure, bumbling, pronounced, raw truth. She wasn't capable of anything else.

"It wasn't the right time or right place." Gale said, his head turning to look at her. "I understand. It hurt to know that you chose someone above me but we can't change that. Thank you. Apology accepted."

"That's the thing, Gale... I didn't choose anyone over you. I didn't think I could look at you after what happened to Prim. I blamed you. It was unfair and I was completely in the wrong to do so. I never should have let my own hang ups make a decision like that for me..."

"Katniss, I can't tell you even now if that was my fault or not. I'm so damn sorry about it but I may have been. I can't say otherwise because I genuinely don't know."

"Coin was behind it. She ordered the bombs to be set off to sway the Capitol against Snow. I know you weren't responsible..." Katniss exhaled a deep sigh, closing her eyes.

That was an event Katniss could still see it playing over and over in her head. The parachutes, the desperate Capitol residents grasping for them and then the first bombs went off. She saw Prim, she yelled to her, but Prim didn't get out in time before the delayed blast. She knew Prim died instantly but that gave her no peace. It must have been obvious that she was upset by the memory as Gale gave her hand a squeeze to reassure her.

"I'm still sorry that I wasn't there for you after that. I came here. I couldn't go back to District 12 because I wanted to do something with my life. I should have been trying to help you."

"That wasn't your job, Gale." Katniss relented. "Peeta planted primroses outside of my house a few months ago as a memorial to her. You'd love them. They're beautiful, just like her."

Gale gave a small smile to her when she mentioned the flowers. Granted, he didn't really care who did it, not just because it was Peeta. Whomever did it was kind and it just so happened it would be the painter who did something to bring a little color to the graveyard of District 12. Gale was happy that she had something to remember Prim by, even if it was something small like that.

"I don't doubt I would." He told her. "Is 12 still a wasteland?"

"It's starting to look a little more like a civilization every day, but it's still pretty abyismal." Katniss shrugged. "It's getting there, though. Slow but sure. It's a process."

Small talk felt so... forced, Gale thought. He knew there was a proverbial elephant in the room and it was the real reason that Katniss came out to District 2. She wasn't there on a casual visit and he knew that. Katniss never did 'casual visits' and to travel that far, she had to have something on her mind. He let go of her hand for a moment and he sat up, brushing off his back from the cold dirt. Katniss looked confused but she sat up with him.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"I can't do this small talk thing. I need to know why you came here. You're not going to come all of this way just to say you're sorry and then so we can chew about the condition of District 12. Why did you come out here?"

Well that was abrupt, she thought. It was a fair thing to say though as he knew her better than that. She wasn't someone who would go that far out of the way to talk about the weather. Small talk wasn't ever really her strong point, either, and she knew that. Katniss brought her knees up, her arms wrapping around them so they were closer to her chest.

"I came out here because I needed some kind of closure with you. For better, for worse... I needed to know where we stood. If you never wanted to see me again, it was something I'd understand completely, but I wanted to put it to rest. For my sake, for your sake... it didn't feel fair to have this chapter open without any idea what could have been."

"What about you and Peeta? Does he know you're here?"

"We got into a fight about me wanting to come here." She admitted. "During the fight, he said my coming here was a bad idea and that if I wanted to seek you out, I obviously didn't need him. I came anyway."

"So you left him?"

Gale seemed... well, surprised, by that epiphany. He knew that Peeta would have had every right to be angry with her for wanting to go see Gale but Gale had been around long before Peeta Mellark was even an after thought. If Katniss couldn't remain friends with people she grew up with, Peeta showed he felt threatened. That would have been like Katniss telling him his friendship with Delly Cartwright was forbidden. It seemed very juvenile and not something a man Peeta's age should have been pulling. Gale ran a hand over his face, feeling a sense of irritation come over him but it was merely irritation for the situation. He didn't want Katniss going through anything like that over anyone, much less him.

"I came here, didn't I?"

"That's not what I asked. Did you leave him or did you leave it open ended again? Did you tell him it was over definitively or did you blow him off to see how it went with me?" Gale's question was sharp but he didn't mean it to sound so harsh.

"I left him."

She answered and when she did, Gale's eyes looked over her facial expressions and facial cues. She didn't falter and she didn't trip up, so he knew she wasn't lying. He wasn't expecting that. He didn't think she had it in her to walk away from Peeta after everything. She left him and came to District 2, damn the consequences. That was something Gale could respect. She looked upset though, despite giving him an honest answer. His wording once again was sharp as a razor blade and cut just as deeply. She felt like he didn't trust her or didn't believe her anymore and that was hard for her to swallow and digest. He had every right to be that way, though, so she tried to understand.

"Why don't we go back to the house? We can warm up, have a meal, and talk." Gale offered. "When's the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday, I think..."

Gale got up from the ground and he offered his hands down to Katniss. She looked up at him and slowly reached up to take his hands. Gale pulled her to her feet and it was the first time that they had been close in what felt like an age. He looked down at her, his slate eyes a bit softer than they were when he first saw her that day. He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss against her forehead.

"C'mon. We'll have a hot meal, warm up from this stupid cold you're so fond of, and we'll talk. How's that?" He offered a smile when he spoke and Katniss gave the softest smile in return.

"I'd like that..."


	5. FIVE: THIS SHIP IS SLOWLY SINKING -KE-

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 14.3K To Current.

[ **Author Note** ] Please know that every comment is something I'm taking to heart in the realest way. Thank you guys for the love! If there's anything you'd like to see incorporated in the future, drop me a line with any input. I'll try to work in some of your ideas as well!

* * *

 **CHAPTER FIVE:** **THIS SHIP IS SLOWLY SINKING**

My decision to go to District 2 wasn't a spur of the moment decision. It was something I contemplated for months before executing the plan and following through with it.

At first, I didn't discuss the idea with Peeta because I didn't want to upset him. I felt like it was an unnecessary thing to bring it up if I wasn't even sure I could do it myself. I owed Peeta my very life in a lot of cases but something was tugging me away from the monotonous daily life that we had in District 12. Maybe it was partially my own fault because I had no closure with Gale and that made things feel awkward. I also partially think that I had grown to believe my love for Peeta was circumstantial. I know how badly that must sound but allow me to explain.

I never noticed or cared about Peeta Mellark before the 74th Hunger Games. The only reason we were ever even in the same room was when we were in school as children and now, as older children in the fight for our very lives. The circumstances were bitter and terrible but I resented Peeta more than I cared for him at the beginning. I didn't want to kill him but if it meant staying alive myself to get back to my family and back to Gale, I'd do whatever I had to do. I just didn't expect the "whatever I had to do" to involve faking a love story with him for the gratification and recreation of the Capitol's people and President Snow. Nobody in the districts outside of the Capitol would be fooled by it as it was a ploy to stay alive. When in situations of self preservation, people did crazy things: desperate times, desperate measures... that kind of thing. I was no different. I had a family to get back to. I had a sister to love and take care of back in 12. I have a boy who had my heart from the beginning that I longed to get back to. Peeta wasn't in the equation.

My relationship with Peeta spiraled from there. At some point along the road, I felt things for him but tried not to get caught up in the show myself. It was all for their entertainment. I was never going to know true happiness because I couldn't be with the one person I loved and wanted to be with. After the Games and before the Victory Tour, I was able to be around Gale and it was like nothing had changed. We shared our first kiss and it was just as magical as I anticipated kissing Gale would be. My heart fluttered, my stomach flipped, and I loved every single emotion it made me feel. I needed that.

Then, President Snow visited my home.

He knew about my budding romance with Gale and didn't buy the fact of my being in love with Peeta. We screwed over Snow and the gamemakers with our little nightlock suicide threat so nobody won that year, so naturally Snow was angry. We didn't have to fool the citizens of Panem anymore, we had to make Snow believe that we were hopelessly in love. He saw straight through me. I can't pretend to save my life or my family's life and I struggled with that knowledge. I even went as far as trying to convince myself I was in love with Peeta to make it more real, but when we celebrated the Victory Tour's end at the Presidential Mansion, Snow made it abundantly clear that we didn't fool him. He knew that we weren't in love. We were in trouble.

I did fall for him, though, and the way I kissed Peeta during the 75th Hunger Games, the Quarter Quell, proved it. Or at least that was how Gale saw it. The way I kissed Peeta after he was electrocuted and almost died was believable because I actually cared. In that moment, Peeta was all that mattered. Almost losing him made me realize how crucial he was to me. It was downhill from there. I couldn't help falling for his charm and it drove me insane. My feelings for Gale wouldn't go away which made things so much worse but I couldn't lie anymore about the fact that I loved Peeta. I was genuinely a wreck. I couldn't figure out my own feelings, my own thoughts, and I was the face of a war within my country. All at seventeen.

After the Rebellion, when I let Gale go, I thought it would be easier. It wasn't.

I went through the motions with my loss of my sister and I felt that I was going to go insane inside of my own head. Peeta made it better by planting primroses from the forest's end in front of the house so I could always have that reminder of my little sister. His kind heart and attention to the smallest details reminded me of why I loved him so much but the sad part was it wasn't easy for me to be away from my long time best friend. Every time I went into the woods, I missed Gale. Whenever I went to the lake, I missed my family. Whenever I hunted, I longed to see the smile on my best friend's face. I missed the way things were before life got complicated. The simple times when the most rebellious thing I did was poach a turkey behind the peacekeepers' backs or selling game to peacekeepers. That wasn't smart but that was the worst thing I ever did before volunteering for the Hunger Games to save my little sister.

Peeta struggled knowing that I longed to see Gale. I can't say I blame him, either. He got angry with me and we fought. A lot. Sometimes, Peeta's emotions would get the best of him and he'd walk out, leaving me by myself. I couldn't say it was all his fault. Peeta had a heart of pure gold and I know my indecisiveness was a pain for him, but I couldn't help it. I didn't have the opportunity to close off the chapter of my life with Gale. Gale was gone before I could and I was stuck in the home that I once shared with my family, once shared with Gale, and was constantly surrounded by his memory. It haunted me every single day. Peeta couldn't understand it. He would bring up that Gale was responsible for Prim's death to remind me of why I never went after Gale, and I admit... that bothered me. I hated that. Peeta wasn't a malicious person but I suppose if someone felt played with and not good enough, anyone could get nasty.

Three weeks before I made the decision and choice to go to District 2, Peeta and I fought again. It started over something trivial: I said something, I can't remember exactly what since it was in the moment, and Peeta got upset. I didn't apologize right away because I didn't feel like I was wrong and things escalated. He left the house and I didn't see him for three days. I have no idea where he went but the time by myself made me realize so many things that I needed to do. It solidified my choice to visit District 2 and solidified my choice to go to get that closure I craved with Gale. The last fight we had was the day before I left for District 2.

Peeta was so angry that I chose to go that he wouldn't speak to me. He wouldn't address me, wouldn't look at me, and didn't wish me well. Part of me wondered if he hoped that I had an awful experience so I would return home and get it out of my "damn head" about wanting some semblance of a relationship with Gale. I was satisfied with being friends with him, as Gale was my best friend for as long as I could remember at that point in time. I craved some sort of communication with him. He was the last part of my familiarity that I had outside of my mother, but she was doing big things and I didn't want to burden her with too much. I didn't want to burden Gale, either, but I wanted him in my life in some way. Peeta didn't like it. I never took him as the jealous type because when everything was at its worse, he still was the level head. He never let it get the best of him. He understood that I was confused and that I was having a hard time choosing who I wanted and who I needed. He had apparently lost some of his patience and had enough of my "stupidity" over Gale.

I had no idea feelings were stupid. Silly me.

"If you go, you're choosing him," Peeta told me finally, his tone heated when he spoke. "I am not playing second to a ghost anymore. He's not here. He refused to come back here. Don't you get it? He doesn't want to be near you. You need to get over it, Katniss!"

"It's not your situation to concern yourself with. I'm going to see him, to catch up with him and to visit him. I'm not going to propose to him." My level of tolerance for Peeta's _advice_ was very low with how he had been recently. I didn't need someone telling me what to do anymore. I dealt with that long enough. I was no longer playing someone else's game. "If you can't be happy for me going to visit a friend, that is on you. Not on me."

"You still love him, don't you? Don't lie to me, Katniss."

"This isn't about love, Peeta." I said back, irritated with him. "You are being unfair. Stop it."

"Answer my question! Do you still love him?"

"Not that I have to dignify that with an answer, no. I don't." I didn't think I was, so my answer was honest. I hadn't spoken to Gale in a year and when we parted, we weren't on the best of terms. So Peeta was being completely irrational.

The argument escalated to Peeta making an ultimatum for me. If I left and went through with my plan of going to District 2 to visit Gale, he wasn't going to be home when I came home. I felt that the whole thing was being blown out of proportion. I invited him to come with me but he blatantly refused. He didn't want to see Gale so he wasn't going to travel those lengths for someone he didn't care about. That felt rude to me, considering that Gale was patient with him during the Rebellion and tried to treat him and see him as an equal once Gale realized Peeta was staying. Through Gale's jealousy, he still treated Peeta like Peeta mattered. It seemed that my boyfriend couldn't do the same for my best friend.

"If you're so quick to tell me you'll leave me for going to visit a friend, what does that say about your love for me? That is completely irrational, Peeta, and you know that. Deep down you realize how ridiculous you sound."

"I'm dead serious, Katniss. If you leave and you go to him, we are no longer doing this. I refuse to play second to someone who never put you first to begin with. He was selfish and only cared about his wants and desires. You're so blind not to see that."

That did it. I never felt the need to defend Gale over something so trivial but saying Gale never cared about me and never put me first was a bold faced lie even I could see through. Gale took care of my family for me, he always put us first or at least on that same pedestal as his own family. I couldn't sit back and let anyone bad mouth that, not even the man whom I loved dearly despite his unnecessary streak of jealousy.

"You're out of line and I'm going to ask that you stop, right now." I started, my tone showing anger as I started to speak. "Gale has always put my family and me first. He taught me how to feed my family and keep us alive when I had nobody else. If that doesn't show he cared, nothing does. He deserves a lot more respect than you're giving him and I am really sick of you acting like Gale is the worst thing to ever happen. He's part of the reason I am even alive, Peeta. Had he not helped me and my family through our hardest times, I would have starved to death. Don't you dare bad mouth him. He doesn't deserve that and you most of all should know better than to do that."

"Why do you always defend him?!"

"Because someone has to and he's EARNED my defense!"

I could tell Peeta was upset with me but I was so angry that I physically was shaking. I never realized how much Gale did for me unprompted until that very moment and as soon as it hit me, I couldn't sit back and deny a thing. Gale was my saving grace and the one person I could always depend on regardless. He put me on a pedestal higher than the very sky and I never gave him the same courtesy. The least I could do was defend him against someone who knew nothing of our relationship before the Games. Peeta's little school boy crush on me was adorable but Gale was substantial in my life. He wasn't a merchant's boy who watched from afar. Peeta helped me with the bread and I was and still am forever grateful but Gale did it all for me. He was my hunting partner, my best friend, my therapist, my shoulder to cry on, my strength and my heart. He gave me hope when the world around us seemed dark and bleak. It drove me insane inside of my very own head knowing I was never the same for him. I didn't give enough to him. I was too reserved, too distant, and he didn't deserve it. I gave more of my heart and soul to Peeta than I ever gave to Gale and that was the biggest offense I had ever made. Gale deserved so much better than I gave him.

"If you leave, that's it, Katniss. I can't compete with him. I won't." Peeta said definitively. "If you love me at all you will do this one thing for me. Don't go to District 2. Don't go to him."

"I'll always love you, Peeta, but I'm not going to not go. I'm not going to sit here and take an ultimatum. You have nothing to worry about and yet, you can't even show that you trust me. I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. Looks like we made up our minds, doesn't it?"

"Katniss..."

"I'm sorry it had to end this way, Peeta, but you're not going to try to control me. I love you but I can't do this. I'm sorry."

I went to my room to finish getting my back together so I could depart the next day. I took only the essentials with me, including my locket that held the photo of Prim, my mother, and Gale that was given to me in the Quarter Quell. That locket still meant the world to me and I took it everywhere with me. The most significant thing was the one thing I didn't take with me: I left the pearl from Peeta on my dresser. I wasn't bringing that with me for the simple fact, if I was leaving my relationship with Peeta behind, I was leaving that behind, too.

My heart was already sore when I arrived in District 2. I felt like a broken shell of a person so I was hoping for the best with Gale. I needed a friend. I planned on going back to District 12 but if I didn't feel right about it, maybe I wouldn't. Maybe I'd go see Panem. Travel freely throughout the country. Learn new things. I had my entire life ahead of me. I wasn't planning on staying in District 2 because I didn't want to alienate Gale. If he didn't want to see me, why would I stay there? That was pointless.

I found myself at Gale's home, preparing a table for a dinner we were about to share, though. After a conversation in the woods, staring up at the stars, I felt a little better about my being there. There was warmth in his home; the smell of stew made me hungry, the scent of cinnamon and apples from the hot cider coming from the kitchen warmed me to my bones. I felt secure in my choice to go to District 2 and visit him. It was emotional and hard but my heart had experienced far worse in my time alive. I had loved, lost, lost loved ones, and taken the lives of living, breathing human beings in the name of entertainment by a sick dictator. Now it was time for me to enjoy the simple things. The simplistic joy of buttering a piece of warm bread out of the stove, tasting the sweet creaminess and the crusty warmth of the bread as we laughed and talked and carried on. Drinking cider and tea, reminiscing about the days of old and hunting in the woods together – discussing our once brilliant plans of running away from District 12 to live in the woods and the side splitting funny mental images of my little sister surviving in the woods with us.

It felt familiar. It felt warm. It reminded me of all of the things that I had been missing. Watching Gale laugh brought a smile to my face. His head back, his eyes closed, full laughter that caused him to slap his hand on the table. It was in this moment that I realized how much I missed him and everything about him. From the way he sounded when he laughed to the crease of his smile in his cheeks, the smoky scent of his shirts when he hugged me and the way his arms felt around me. I even missed how he called me "Catnip", as much of a face as I made any time he said it.

It felt like home with Gale and that was what I needed. I needed a reminder that sometimes, all you had to do was follow your heart and it would always lead you home.


	6. SIX: I FIND EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I LOST

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 16.5K To Current.

[ **Author Note** ] Please know that every comment is something I'm taking to heart in the realest way. Thank you guys for the love! If there's anything you'd like to see incorporated in the future, drop me a line with any input. I'll try to work in some of your ideas as well! This is a cute little chapter but fear not, drama returns in the next! ;) 

* * *

**CHAPTER SIX: I FIND EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I LOST BEFORE**

Katniss couldn't remember being so relaxed when it came to sitting down to something as simple as a meal but that evening brought her a lot of peace and comfort. She helped Gale set things up and when they sat down to eat, she took in all of the details she possibly could about his home and how he lived. She didn't want to miss anything. She noticed the stained wood paneling in the room that gave it a rustic feel, the scent of burning pine and oak coming from the fireplace in the dining room. There was an additional scent of burning wood coming from the den but it was from the warming unit wood stove in the room. There weren't a lot of photos on the wall or anything cluttering the walls but there was a warmth in the room that she didn't think could be there from simple hangings. The large oak table looked hand crafted, no doubt by Gale himself, and stained with a cherry finish. There were matching chairs to go with the table and the surface rug underneath the table set kept the legs of the heavy table from scuffing the polished and clean wood floors.

She was quiet for a while when dinner started but it wasn't for any reason in particular. She was simply admiring the work he put into his home in District 2. Now that he had the means to do so, it was no wonder he did it. Gale always wanted a nice home to call his own and he finally had that. She was proud of him for how far he had come and how well he was living. He deserved it more than most people she could think of. He was still taking care of his family but he had his own life. Katniss still respected Hazelle and was happy that she was being taken care of despite working herself. Vick, Rory and Posy were in school and growing like weeds. Gale joked about feeling old because of his younger siblings but the candor made Katniss smile. He was all of twenty-one years old himself, "old" wasn't a word that should have identified with him.

He must have learned to cook from Hazelle somewhere along the road because his stew was delicious and warm in my stomach. The bread had a nice coating of crunch that paired off wonderfully with fresh butter that melted over the surface of it. She even dipped some of her bread into the stew and enjoyed the flavors as they blended in her mouth. The warm apple cider that he brought out was her favorite little addition to the meal, if for nothing else, the flavors burst in her mouth of crisp apples, cinnamon, and cloves. There was something so natural about those flavors, perfectly Earthy with just enough sweetness to be considered a treat.

"We never would have made it in those woods and you know it," Katniss said to Gale, chuckling to herself. "Prim would have had a fit and the boys would have been just as bad."

"I still picture it sometimes, you know. When I'm walking through the woods here. I think – I wonder what would have happened if we did run away – and then I realize that none of this would be possible." He scooped up a spoonful of his stew, taking the bite. Katniss smiled.

"Who knew you'd end up being some big shot, huh?" There was a joking tone to her voice and Gale noticed it. It caused a smile to crease his lips, staring at the corners and slowly easing its way across his face.

"Sure as hell not me." He commented back. "You liking it?" He gestured to her food and she nodded.

"It's good. Did you learn how to make this from your mom?"

"Of course I did. Surely you didn't think I'd figure this out on my own." Gale laughed. "The game's fresh too, snared it this morning and cleaned it up. Didn't even have a chance to ice box it. You got lucky."

"My, my. You went through all of this trouble on my accord."

"Don't get used to it, you hear?" Gale teased, lifting his cup up to take a drink from his cider. She laughed a little, shaking her head at him.

She felt relaxed and comfortable during their meal together but once they were finished eating, she offered to clean up for him. He was kind enough to cook and serve her, the least she could do was clean up the dishes and put stuff away. Gale offered to help but Katniss told him no, demanding that he sit down and finish his cider. She walked over to where he sat to pick up his plate and bowl and in the meantime, she leaned down and gave him a friendly kiss against the top of his head.

"You made a hell of a meal, Gale. So thank you. Not just for it but for your kindness and hospitality."

He merely smiled at Katniss for a moment. The gesture didn't go unappreciated. He smiled when he felt that friendly peck to the top of his head and it was what made him look up at her from his seat at the table.

"It's my pleasure. Thank you for helping clean up. You don't have to, you know that, right?"

"I know."

Katniss brought their dishes out and cleaned up from his cooking. The whole process only took her a few minutes so when she came back out, she was confused as to where Gale had scampered off to. He was no longer in the room they had just been in.

"Gale?"

She called out his name, unsure of the full map out of his home since she had only seen those bits and pieces of it. She heard him call out to her and she followed the sound of his voice through the home. She found him sitting in the den with his cup of cider at his side on the table next to the sofa. He patted the seat next to him and Katniss walked over, sitting down a little space from him. She didn't want to assume or crowd him so she sat in the middle of the center cushion to give him his space. Gale went ahead and put his arm around the back of the sofa, soon resting around her shoulder to bring her in closer to him. She wasn't going to push anything or assume anything with him but she was a little surprised he willingly embraced her like that. Katniss scooted slightly closer to him so his arm wasn't so extended.

There were a few long moments of silence between them but the silence was invited. Katniss could have awkwardly sat there with Gale's arm around her shoulder but her head found its place on his shoulder. She closed her eyes for a moment and took in his scent, inhaling the scent of oranges from his skin. She always noticed that about him and how he smelled of apples and alder smoke. There was something so comforting about how little that had changed. Oak and pine also were something her senses picked up but it was from his clothing, not his skin. Those simple little things made her feel so at home and his familiarity was something she not only embraced but longed for. She didn't realize how much so until that very moment.

Gale noticed her eyes closed and how comfortable she looked but he said nothing to break the silence. He found his own mind wandering a bit, mostly wondering what had happened between her and Peeta that brought her to District 2. Obviously the details were none of his business but something drastic must have happened as he knew and was completely aware of the fact she once loved Peeta. Nobody could fake the emotions and feelings Katniss showed for the merchant's boy. Gale wasn't naive enough to only think of himself and part of him felt for Peeta being on the other side. He knew what it was like to be on the opposite end of Katniss Everdeen and it wasn't a comforting memory. There was something so captivating about her that sucked people in; it was something Gale couldn't place or put his finger on no matter how much he tried. He also was taking the time to appreciate that closeness. He longed for that closeness for so long and now that he was on the receiving end of it with her true of heart, it felt... a lot better than he expected it ever would.

"Are you comfortable?" Gale inquired finally, his words spoken barely above a gruff whisper. Katniss turned ever so slightly so she could look at him with her head still on his shoulder.

"I am." She said with a small smile. "I forgot how comfortable you were."

"How about you don't do that again, alright?" He chuckled. "I really am happy that you're here."

Hearing Gale say that he was happy to have her there made Katniss feel a shade of happiness she had long since forgotten she could feel. Originally, she had convinced herself that she didn't need Gale's fire to survive, as she had plenty of her own. Fueled with rage and hatred, he was a time bomb. He was as angry as she was, if not more so, and rightfully so. Gale had seen so much bad in his life and lost so much. Katniss had come around to understanding that Gale was the way that he was for a reason and he had every right to act the way he did. In retrospect, she thought she would have acted the exact same way if someone she was in love with acted like that. His heart was far too big and far too kind to her. She didn't know what she did to deserve it.

"I'm happy that I'm here too." She finally said, her hand resting on Gale's chest. Her fingertips casually traced patterns on his chest over the fabric, idle motions with nothing specific intended. "I missed you a great deal, Gale."

"I missed you too, Catnip."

Gale grinned as he threw the nickname out again. She couldn't even be mad. She smiled at him with a fondness she thought had long since passed. Katniss never thought that she would be able to look at him the same and yet, now, she was looking at him in a light that was nothing shy of bright as the sun. She was happy to be with someone she didn't need to explain everything to and who knew her at her best and worst. Perhaps he could get to know her at what could only be her better. The silent moments returned but it was a mutual thing. Words weren't important but actions were. Gale's strong, protective arms surrounded Katniss and she was caught up in the glow of it all. Katniss forgot how good she could feel from something that seemed so trivial. But she knew, more than anyone, that nothing was trivial. Having Gale even hug her, hold her and be that close with her was a blessing she didn't take for granted.


	7. SEVEN: NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU -GH-

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 19K To Current.

[ **Author Note** ] You guys inspire the hell out of me! This chapter took a bit longer to get up due to my final "horrah" with NaNoWriMo this year but here's a Gale chapter for you lot! Every comment is something I'm taking to heart in the realest way and I'm so grateful for all of the candor and input you're offering up! If there's anything specific you guys want to see, drop me a line and I'll try to work in some of your ideas/what you guys want to see as well!

* * *

 **CHAPTER SEVEN: NOTHING COMPARES TO YOU, I CAN'T LET YOU GO -GH-**

Despite how I was feeling – a jumble of confused, content, happy and somewhat resentful – allowing Katniss into my homes and into my arms felt like something I had been missing. It had become a requirement of mine to let her feel that warmth and that care because underneath the hard exterior, I knew Katniss. Down to her very heart and soul, I knew what lay dormant inside of that girl and others couldn't see it. They saw this Girl On Fire, they saw the former Mockingjay. I saw the odd girl who couldn't do a proper snare to save her life. I saw the laughter in the woods on a cold winter day and how it was the only thing that kept me warm when I needed it. I saw the corner mouth smile when I called her out on something and she didn't want to admit or own up to that something. I saw familiarity, I saw the girl ... woman, that I had loved for so long. My guard wasn't completely down though, despite how much I wanted to let it all go and throw inhibition to the wind.

The smarter part of me prevailed, however. I didn't let myself get too caught up in the moment and I certainly wasn't allowing myself to get to oattached. For all I knew, I could wake up in the morning and the girl would be gone. Gone back to District 12 or gone off on some other adventure. Did I want her to stay? My heart said yes- a million times over it said yes – but my head was concerned. That was usually how it went, too. The heart wanted one thing, the head knew better and fought against it. Though we fell asleep together that night on the sofa, her wrapped in my arms and the scent of her hair allowing me to drift off into the most peaceful sleep I could remember having, I still was apprehensive. What a strange feeling it was to be so happy and so conflicted all in one breath.

A large part of me mostly struggled with my own emotions. I could have easily kicked her to the curb as soon as I saw her face for everything she had done to me in the past. It would have been merited and it would have been something that I'm sure even Katniss would have believed she deserved. I didn't have the heart to do that, however. The reason I didn't have the heart to do it was after everything... after every heart break, every slight, every time she chose him over me, every time she absently kissed me to fill some void, every last turn around... I still loved Katniss Everdeen with every fiber of my being. Man, did I hate myself for that truth. I couldn't avoid it since my heart was so consumed with her. I knew there was the chance that she could hurt me again and I had opened myself up to allowing such a thing. There was a phrase though, about how the heart wants what it wants and you can't control that. I never realized how much truth was in that statement until I felt it for myself. After falling asleep with her and feeling that familiar closeness, smelling that familiar scent, and experiencing that familiar warmth inside of my very bones, it was a risk I had to take. What if the timing was right? What if she was truly over Peeta and was willing to start a new life with me?

My mind flooded with a dozen "what if" scenarios. What if she was genuine and wanted to be a part of my life again? What if she was there because she realized that she loved me all along after all? Could we find happiness together? Could we be the couple I envisioned we'd be not so way-back-when? What if she had changed and was ready to make that kind of commitment to me? On the flip side, there was the other what if scenarios. What if this was a facade and she needed something to fill the void again? What if I was a rebound from Peeta underneath all of the cleverly decorated mistruths? What if she was using me again to feel some sort of love and affection she was lacking from Peeta and eventually would slip right out of my life like she slipped back in? It was a lot to take in and it mentally overloaded me briefly. I wondered if it was worth it; was Katniss worth the pain and suffering that I once felt? I believed that she was. She was worth the risk and worth the heart ache and worth the aggravation. She was worth all of that and more. I was in love with my best friend and now that I had her back, I knew I had to do whatever it took to make her realize where she belonged.

She always had and always would belong with me. I was hoping she saw that, realized that, and was embracing that.

When I awoke in the middle of the night with her, she looked peaceful as I ever could remember her looking. We were wrapped in one of the woolen blankets that I kept on the back of the sofa for the nights I fell asleep reading in front of the woodstove. It was peaceful and one of my favorite places in my home. I didn't want her to wake up in pain so I did what any reasonable man would do. I picked her up and brought her to my bedroom. I laid her down in lush, warm comfort and I was going to take my leave to go back to the sofa. I didn't want to assume that I could sleep next to her and it was my choice to give her my bed. It was what any suitable, good host would do and I wanted to ensure that her comfort came first. When I was about to leave the bedside, I felt her hand grasp at mine.

"Gale, please don't go..."

The words caught me off guard at first because I hadn't realized I woke her while moving her, but the sleepiness in her voice was something I loved hearing. I couldn't remember hearing her speak in such a soft, genuine and almost innocent natured tone. It had been a long while since I had seen Katniss when she was first waking up and I realized in that moment – while jaded by all of my other thoughts – there was never a time where I thought she looked more beautiful.

I learned down after brushing some of her hair out of her face and my lips found her forehead gently. I smiled at her and assured her that I was going nowhere. The smile that she gave me in return as she curled up into my pillows made it all the more worth it. I decided to get out of my regular clothing and into my night clothes, only because I struggled to sleep if I was dressed for the day. When I climbed into the bed with her, I gave her enough room to have on her own. I turned off the lights and laid on my back, my hand behind my head. I found myself staring at the ceiling momentarily as I had become a bit more awake after putting Katniss to bed. Comfort found me but sleep didn't. It wasn't until Katniss rolled over and her head rested on my shoulder, her hand on my bare chest, cuddled into my side that sleep found me once again. The warmth of her breath on my skin, her touch, and the peacefulness of her resting brought me back to a slumber that was all my own.

I can safely say that was the over all best night's sleep I had in a long while.

When I woke the next morning, Katniss wasn't in bed with me. My mind immediately went off into another direction, thinking that she left while I was still asleep. I brushed my hand over my face to brush away some of the grogginess that clouded my head from just regaining consciousness. When I finally got out of bed and threw on my shirt, I smelled something. It took me a second to realize what it was but it smelled like brewing tea or coffee. I wandered out of the bedroom and through the house until I found myself in the kitchen. Katniss was standing in the kitchen, trying to operate one of the cooking appliances in the kitchen, but she had managed how to get the coffee brewed. I leaned against the door frame, watching her with an amused smirk.

She had bread toasted, fresh fruit cut and plated, but she couldn't cook the eggs that I had in the ice box from the hens in the back yard due to the contraption in the kitchen. She looked so miffed. It brought me a lot of amusement. I was happy with the toasted bread, some fresh cream spread, cheese and fruit but she looked so adamant about those damn eggs. She soon turned around and saw me standing there and she jumped, looking at my expression with a confused expression of her own.

"What."

"Not a thing." I said back almost too quickly. She didn't seem impressed.

"What! What are you smirking about? What's funny?" She demanded but I merely held up my hands in mock defense.

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Damn it, Gale."  
She seemed so defeated when she couldn't figure out how to get the fire started on the stove. I walked over and with the push of a button, it clicked a couple of times and then ignited. Her face turned from minor aggravation with me to looking like she felt absolutely ridiculous for not thinking of that. She smacked my arm with a hand towel and I laughed at her, rather mercilessly.

"I'm sorry it was too complicated for you." I teased her, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

"Get out of the damn kitchen, Gale." She said, shooing me out.

I grabbed the pot of coffee and a cup, spinning around her so as to avoid her playful wrath. She seemed so irritated with me and I was tickled by that. That was the fire in Katniss I remembered. I made myself a cup of coffee so as to stay out of her way and I sat at the wooden bar that overlooked the kitchen from the opposite side. She was puttering around now that she had things going her way and she seemed like a complete natural. It didn't take her all that long from my interruption to finish up what she had planned. She made us breakfast that now included freshly cooked meat and eggs with the sliced fruit, chunks of fresh cheese and toasted bread. She had even figured out how to make some cream spread for our toasted bread that paired off exceptionally with the naturally sweetness of the fruit.

"It's not burned and if you're lucky, you won't die from this." She teased, bringing out plates to the table. I was going to help her but she playfully smacked her hand at me. "Just sit down. You made me dinner, this was the least I could do."

"You didn't have to do it, you know."

"Well, I wanted to. You're going to enjoy it, too." She started but added a quick, "I hope", in there. I couldn't help but smile at her.

"The effort alone is enough. Thank you, Catnip."

We sat down to eat together and everything had great flavor. She had done a great job cooking for us. When it came to clean up, I naturally insisted, as she had taken the time to cook, I could do the dishes and put things away. I was in the middle of cleaning up as she drank from her mug. It almost felt like playing house with my best friend. I had a really overwhelming feeling of euphoria that overtook any common sense that I had about the situation because everything was going well. I looked forward to potentially going hunting with her that afternoon, getting outside and doing it all together but a rather aggressive knock at my front door changed my plans pretty quick. Katniss stood up from the table with her cup in hand.

"I'll grab it, dry your hands off." Katniss told me and I gave her a small smile.

I went ahead to go back into the kitchen to do that, making sure to put things away where they belonged after I dried them off. I was a comfortable sort of full from the meal and was pretty astounded by the way she pulled it off. Katniss had a knack about her though; if she wanted to do something and wanted to do something well, she managed. Regardless of the skill level, she figured it out and made it work. It was part of what I had always really adored about the girl. While I was drying my hands, I heard her voice and she sounded heated. I put the towel down and walked out of the kitchen, heading toward the door.

"Why are you even here! You have no reason to be!" Her voice echoed, elevated in tone to show she was angry. "I am not going back with you so you can leave. I'm sorry you came all of this way for nothing but what's done is done."

"I'm not leaving without you, Katniss. I came this far and I'm not going home until you realize what a mistake you're making. You don't belong here. You belong at home with me. I'm sorry for everything that happened but I'm not going anywhere until we at least talk."

I knew that voice anywhere. Peeta Mellark. How unforgivably typical.


	8. EIGHT: I KNOW THE TRUTH

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 22.9K To Current.

[ **Author Note** ] You guys inspire the hell out of me! Every comment is something I'm taking to heart in the realest way and I'm so grateful for all of the candor and input you're offering up! If there's anything specific you guys want to see, drop me a line and I'll try to work in some of your ideas/what you guys want to see as well. Thanks for all the love so far, you're all superstars

* * *

 **CHAPTER EIGHT: I KNOW THE TRUTH, IT WON'T SAVE YOU.**

One the voice registered in Gale's mind, his stomach lurched and his throat caught. It wasn't that he feared Peeta or felt like he was a lesser choice compared to the former victor, but he knew Katniss loved him, too. She could say that she was over him but with all that the two of them had gone through, Gale had his doubts. Love had its way of sneaking back into your heart when you least expected it and it was something you couldn't control. Just as his heart craved to love her, even through everything that she had done to him, he knew her heart couldn't have just shut Peeta out entirely. It wasn't fair to assume that she was over him, either, and he knew that. Gale had a mind set that he was going to let whatever may pass come to pass and whatever the case, he could walk away if he needed to without any hatred or malice toward the situation. He expected nothing. If he got nothing, it wouldn't have broken his hopes down. He had a solid grip on himself.

The one thing about the entire scenario that bothered Gale, though, was hearing Katniss get upset. He didn't want to interfere since it wasn't his business but it was brought to his door. The last thing he needed was that kind of publicity in his District because of Katniss and Peeta. That wasn't going to fly with him. Gale walked out after a few minutes and as soon as his vision came into Peeta's, Peeta's mouth latched shut and his facial expression contorted into an irritated one. Gale didn't even acknowledge it.

"If it's all the same to you two, I'd really rather not have my entire District hear your argument." Gale said, his tone cool and collected. "If you're going to continue to bicker, please bring it inside."

"I have nothing to hide." Peeta said, his tone heated from his aggravation.

"That wasn't a request, Peeta. Either do it or you can leave. It's nothing we're going to negotiate."

Gale's tone, while even, was stern. It wasn't up for negotiation. Katniss didn't have any issue with following Gale's request as it was a simple one. He had a reputation to maintain in District 2 and because she cared about him, she wasn't going to damper it by arguing with her now ex-boyfriend in front of his home. That was rude and it wasn't something she felt comfortable doing in the first place. Peeta, on the other hand, resisted.

"I don't have to go inside just because he wants everyone to think he leads a perfect life here." Peeta's tone showed that he was upset. "We need to talk about this, Katniss."

"Peeta, please." Katniss pleaded him through gritted teeth. She was trying not to get angry with his request to talk but his lack of willingness to not fight in public was getting to her in all the wrong ways. "If you want to talk, we'll go inside. Gale's a respected figure here, and if you can't respect that, we have nothing to talk about. It's either you swallow your pride, come inside, and we talk or you can go home and that will be the end of it."

It hurt her, truth be told, to have to lay down ground rules like that with Peeta. She never thought she'd see him in a light other than radiant but here she was, looking at the man she once had immeasurable love for in an entirely different way. He wasn't willing to compromise with her and it wasn't even for Gale's sake. She didn't want to fight with him in public anywhere, much less a district that wasn't their home. District 2 operated a lot differently than 12 did and that was something the pair of them could have stood to recognize. That and it wasn't exactly like they were strangers to the public eye in Panem. They were "celebrities", or whatever the word for it was, due to the Rebellion. Katniss especially. She may have been pardoned but she wasn't going to go to District 2 to jeopardize that. Katniss walked into the house and Gale watched her carefully. He hated seeing her upset. When Peeta went to cross the threshold, Gale put his arm down across the door frame to stop the blonde from taking another step.

"Let me give you a little advice. House rules, and all." His voice was lowered so only Peeta could hear him. "If you upset her, if she tells you to go and you don't, or if you hurt her in any way while in my home, I assure you, Peeta, that I will make your life a living hell. I only tolerate you because of Katniss but if you give me a reason to not want to tolerate you even for her sake, well... let's just say we'll have a problem."

"Are you threatening me?" Peeta asked, his tone showing a bit of surprise but Gale merely smiled.

"Not at all, my friend." He moved his hand, allowing Peeta entrance into his home. He gave the blonde a rugged pat on his shoulder, gripping at the other man's shoulder briefly. "We'll call it a friendly suggestion. Advice, if you will."

Peeta looked uneasily at Gale before stepping into the house, following after Katniss. Gale wasn't going to sit there and threaten Peeta's well-being but if it came down to it, he would pick Katniss over Peeta any day of the week. It wasn't entirely personal, but for the most part, he didn't care for Peeta Mellark. It may have been that stewing jealousy inside of him but when it came down to brass tacks, Gale just didn't like him. It was the unfortunate pay off of years and years of resentment.

Katniss was feeling overwhelmed and her stomach was twisted in knots. Knowing Peeta was there to fight for her, whatever the case may be, made her feel conflicted and uncomfortable. She was at a point where she believed she was over the storybook star-crossed lovers romance that she shared with him but deep down, she knew she loved him once. It wouldn't have been unreasonable to assume she felt terrible that it had come to that but she also thought she was done with the pettiness, the back and forth, the fighting, the unnecessary back and forth. She wanted something more secure and she wanted something more settled. She knew in her heart if she truly loved Peeta with all that she had, she wouldn't have felt her heart tugging her elsewhere. That was the thing about love. You could love two people at the same time but you could only truly be in love with one of them. She thought if she was able to love two men at one time, she was obligated to herself to go with the second. Had she loved the first entirely, the second wouldn't have been in the equation. For her, Peeta was the first genuine love that she experienced and reciprocated. Her heart was still pulled toward Gale, though. She didn't even have to talk to Peeta for her to feel like crying because of how much the situation made her heart physically hurt. She didn't want to do that anymore. She was sick of it.

Gale left the two of them by themselves in the den and he went off on his own. He sat outside on the front porch steps, looking out over the wilderness that was wide and wild in front of his home. He could see the line of trees of the forest from his home and part of him longed to be in there rather than where he was. He was expecting the worst with Peeta being there. He had a gut wrenching feeling that Katniss was not going to be sticking around long because of Peeta. Even though he was there with no expectations, he couldn't help but feel gutted over the impending departure of the woman who made him feel so many things. For better, for worse. It had always been Katniss.

Inside the home, Katniss sat down on the sofa, her arms resting crossed against her midsection. She was trying to show that she wasn't emotional, which was something Katniss had become very good at. Shielding her emotions was something that she had become a master at over the years. She knew in her heart of hearts she would always love Peeta but she also knew that she didn't want to be with him anymore. Her heart was pulling her elsewhere and she wasn't going to commit anything toward Peeta if her heart wasn't one hundred percent for him. Nor would she do that to Gale, either. If she knew she wasn't able to let go of one of them, she wouldn't be with either of them. She was done with the games, done with the tires om back and forth. She was old enough to know that sort of behavior was for children. She couldn't act like that as an adult. She wanted something substantial and she no longer believed that Peeta was the one for her. That was a hard realization because of how her relationship with him formerly was. Breaking up was hard, but not letting go from it made things harder. God, she wished he couldn't have gone to District 2 after her...

"Talk," Katniss told Peeta. "I will tell you, though, that I've made up my mind. I'm not going back to 12 with you."

"You're not even giving us a chance, are you?"

"Peeta, there is no us. We made that abundantly clear when I left." Katniss had no problem correcting him but Peeta signed, crouching down in front of where she sat on the sofa.

"Katniss. I want you to look at me and tell me that you feel nothing for me. I want you to tell me that you don't see a future for us. You need to mean it, too. I know when you're lying. You love me, real or not real?"

There was a long moment of silence between them. Her heart wrenched when he asked her what he did and part of her – almost instinctively – told him that it was real. She would always love him. That wasn't a lie. That was a truth even Gale would expect from her. Her saying she didn't have any semblance of feelings toward him would be a bold faced lie and that was not something she wanted to get into a habit of doing. Lying was not what she was about. She didn't need to.

"Real, but also not real." Katniss started, the look on Peeta's face almost derailing her. He looked so lost, so hurt, and that killed her on the inside. "Peeta, a part of me will always love you and that is where it's real. You've given me so much hope and you were always the person I believed that I would be with. I didn't know if it was forever but I knew that you were what was best for me." She sighed, moving from where she was sitting so she could stand. She paced for a moment before looking back at Peeta, who slowly rose from where he had been crouching. "I'm angry. I am so damn angry that you came here. When I left, that should have been all of the clue you needed to know that this chapter was actually over, but you couldn't even do that."

"I know how you are, Katniss, and I wasn't going to let anything be left to probability." Peeta stood in front of her, his arms crossing against his chest. "It's Gale, isn't it? The feelings you may have had for him are still there, aren't they?"

"Gale's not responsible for this, at all." Katniss said shortly. "I don't feel the connection I once felt with you and I can't be with someone that I'm not in love with." Saying those words were harder than anything she could remember uttering in her life. It also didn't help to see Peeta's face when the words registered. "I will always and forever love you and you will always have a big part of my heart, but I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry. I know this isn't what you want to hear and I damn sure don't want to say it like this, but you won't listen. It's nobody else. I honestly just am not in love with you and I refuse to lead you on. I hurt one person I care immensely about by leading them on, I won't do it to you, too."

There was a long standing silence between them. It seemed like Peeta was processing what she was saying or maybe he was waiting, hoping, _praying_ that Katniss would realize she was talking crazy talk and say it wasn't true. Unfortunately, she never took back anything she said. She stood by it. Peeta couldn't formulate the words he wanted to say as his own heart was shattered from hearing things he never thought he would hear from her mouth.

"So that's it, then. Just like that." Peeta started but Katniss looked floored.

"It's not 'just like that', Peeta." She protested. "When I left 12, I told you how I felt. I came here to catch up with Gale, and you couldn't even let me have that. We've grown apart and I know that sounds like an excuse but it simply _isn't_. I love you but it's not enough anymore. My heart is yearning for something I'm not entirely sure exists but I know my heart is no longer in 12 and is no longer with you. Believe it or not, it hurts me just as much to admit that out loud and realize that it has come to this sort of a head. You wasted your time coming here, Peeta, I'm sorry."

"I highly doubt that, Katniss."

She couldn't remember hearing Peeta sound so destroyed and it tugged at her heart and hurt her in ways she couldn't really put into words. She never meant to hurt him but that was what happened. She knew that he was upset. She apologized but she knew that could only do so much.

"Please, just go home and live your life." Katniss said softly. "I want you to be happy and that happiness isn't going to be with me. You'll be better off in the long run and I think even you know that."

"If that helps you sleep better then believe that." Peeta said, running his fingers through his hair. "I really have no reason to be here. Gale hates me, no doubt because of you, and now you're telling me all of this..."

"Don't, alright? Just don't do that." She sighed. "Please. I'm not going back with you and the sooner you accept that this chapter is closed, the sooner you'll be able to move on and be happy with your own life. I want you to find that happiness. You deserve that."

"Don't patronize me." Peeta spat at Katniss. "You sit here and talk about how you love me and you want me happy but YOU are what makes me happy. Don't you get that?"

"I can't force my heart to be there anymore, Peeta!"

"How do you fall out of love with someone, huh?" He asked, "Because I'd love to know your secret. How do you do it? You fell out of love with Gale, you fell out of love with me, how does it work? Do you just get it into your head that you no longer want to be bothered and that's it?! Teach me your ways, Katniss, because I'm dying to know!"

The escalation in voice volume was enough to perk Gale's had up. He could hear Peeta more than Katniss and that was not something he was entirely sure he wanted to tolerate. He hated the idea of Peeta yelling at Katniss for anything but he also knew if she was standing her ground and not going with him, Peeta would have the grounds to be angry. Nobody wanted to hear things like that from someone they were in love with. That was brutal. Gale slowly stood up from his spot on the porch and walked back into the house quietly. He wasn't going to eve's drop but he was going to play equalizer if he had to. He wasn't going to referee a shouting match but if things escalated past that, then he'd step in.

"You need to leave," Katniss told Peeta finally. "Don't make this harder than it has to be."

"You've made this harder than it has to be, not me." Peeta retorted. "I can't believe you..."

"Peeta..."

"No. No, I understand it, Katniss. You've had your fun with me, it's Gale's turn to ride, right? I understand that perfectly clear. You're going to play him just like you played me. You should probably be upfront and honest out of the gate so he doesn't end up in my position."

Katniss was visibly upset by the comment but Peeta didn't stand down. It seemed like his goal was to hurt her on the same level that she hurt him by telling him that she wasn't in love with him anymore. It was somewhat under handed and coniving but to be frank, he was furious with her. If insinuating that she was trying to sleep around and calling her unfaithful hurt her, so be it. He felt like a fool for traveling so far only to be turned away. She had a lot of nerve.

"Get out."

"It's not your place to tell me anything, Katniss." Peeta spat at her but he soon felt a hand grab his shoulder.

"It is mine, however, and you're just about done."

Gale's voice caught Peeta's ear right as he was spun around to face the taller man. Gale's eyes showed fury in them as he overheard everything with Peeta blatantly insulting Katniss to her face. That really bothered Gale, not only from his love for the girl but knowing that Katniss gave Peeta absolutely everything she had to give and he went and pulled a stunt like that. It was a spineless, gutless move and Gale wasn't going to tolerate it. Peeta shoved Gale's hand away from him but Gale throttled Peeta against the wall, his hand holding against Peeta's collarbone to keep him pinned.

"I told you when you walked into my home the ground rules and you're breaking them left, right and center here. I don't tolerate that kind of shit and now you're walking on extremely thin ice. If you don't walk out of this house on your own two feet of your own free will, I will walk you out myself. You'll be going back to 12 in a plastic bag to joint he rest of the graveyard that is that District. Do I make myself clear?"

Peeta didn't say anything to Gale. Gale's fury was coming through loud and clear and it was enough to frighten Peeta into saying nothing. Easing off from his grip on the blonde, Gale gestured his hand toward the direction the front door was.

"You were leaving, weren't you? Have a safe journey home, friend."

Gale ushered Peeta out of the house and when Peeta's feet crossed the threshold, Gale slammed the door behind him. When Gale returned back to the den, Katniss was seated on the sofa, her head in her hands in her lap. She sounded like she was crying. That didn't settle all too well with Gale but rather than being angry himself with how upset she was, he walked over and he put his arms around her. He didn't say anything to her, he simply held her. She didn't hold back the tears that were coming and she let them fall freely onto his shoulder. She was hurt and cut deeply by the words that Peeta threw at her but rather than bottling up the emotions, she let them go in the form of tears. She couldn't remember ever getting that upset over words someone slung at her but it was different coming from Peeta. She tried, so hard, to make him know that she would always love him, she just wasn't going to be in a relationship with him anymore. He turned so nasty on her and it made her ache to her very core. How could he say such horrible things to her and act like she was the scum of the world for trying to save him heartache?

While she cried, Gale said nothing. He held her, his hand rubbing over her back softly in a reassuring manner. Even if she didn't love him in the way that he hoped she would one day, the least thing he could do was be there for her through that little rough patch. Katniss would no doubt bounce back from that in no time but he could at least be there through it all. He was her best friend first. Katniss knew in that moment how much Gale meant to her but she couldn't verbalize it through the tears that wouldn't stop. Having him there, his warmth, his security and his selflessness opened her eyes to something so much bigger than herself. It opened her eyes and her heart to so much more. She needed that clarity in that moment of pain.


	9. NINE: YOU CAN THROW ME TO THE FLAMES

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 26K To Current.

[ **Author Note** ] You guys rule. There's nothing else I can say xx I'm giving a bit of a sweet chapter after the Peeta drama and things are heating up. More on that in chapter 10! ;)

* * *

 **CHAPTER NINE: YOU CAN THROW ME TO THE FLAMES, I WILL FOLLOW YOU.**

A month passed from the conversation in District 2 between Katniss and Peeta.

Gale continued his work but Katniss chose to stick around in District 2. The relationship between them started on a very slow path to full reconciliation. Gale invited Katniss to stay with him and he made up a room for her so she'd have comfort and her own space. Katniss appreciated Gale's kindness and she was grateful that he was willing to allow her to stay in the home that he made for himself. He was her best friend before anything else so she was grateful for his open heart and his consideration for her. She had thought of going to District 4 to see her mother, she'd also be able to see Annie and her son for the first time since he was born. She was more focused in that time of getting settled with a new location, new culture and getting herself sorted in some sort of job to keep her from going insane. If Katniss just sat around Gale's place, she'd no doubt go crazy. She found peace in keeping the home Gale was kind enough to allow her to stay in up kept, she gardened, she hunted, and she kept herself busy.

It had been a long month for Gale, regardless of how good it felt to have Katniss with him in District 2. Part of him wondered when the other shoe was going to drop and she was going to be gone. He had a hunch, or an irrational fear, of her walking away again after he was getting used to seeing her daily. He didn't want to think that way but he had unintentionally conditioned himself to believe that Katniss would never chose him or put him first. He was warm and welcoming, but he had his heart fully guarded. The Nut had nothing on his ability to guard himself. He felt that he had every right to be like that but he felt conflicted, too. He didn't want to be cold toward her. It was possibly him feeling like he owed her something but at the end of the day, the sad truth was that Gale Hawthorne owed her **nothing**.

He would admit that he loved coming home after a long day and sitting down to a hot meal with her. She had become quite an aficionado when it came to preparing meals and figuring out how the appliances in the kitchen operated. There was something about walking in the door to the scent of roasted meat and fresh baked goods, freshly roasted vegetables and tea. She had become quite a breath of fresh air and Gale was grateful to have her there. He didn't let himself be fooled, however, because he believed strongly in the phrase _f_ _ool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me_. He wouldn't be played again. Beyond hope and prayer, Gale hoped that Katniss was over the childish back and forth and that as a young woman, she could keep herself together. Maybe if she made up her mind, Gale would be a little more inclined to be less guarded. He couldn't help himself.

One night, Gale was sitting in his bedroom and reading by candlelight, drinking a hot cup of tea to help him get settled for bed. Night time was always hit or miss. Some nights, he would hear Katniss screaming from her room but he wasn't sure how to gauge the situation. He never had to handle that with her and he wasn't sure where to begin. When the screaming would stop, he'd walk down to her room and look inside of the bedroom to make sure that she was alright, though. It was a slow process for him to get used to that rendition of Katniss Everdeen. Even though they spent a lot of time together in District 13 and it was the longest duration of exposure he had to her after her Games, he still was new at handling the version of Katniss that he had in front of him. He still would see that girl that was his long time best friend underneath the girl that stood in front of him. It was such a strange situation for him but he was learning to adapt just as she was learning to adapt, it seemed. They were learning things together. Right before bed was always a bit strange though as he never knew what to expect. Would it be a quiet night or would Katniss wake up screaming from the vivid dreams that she had?

He closed his book and put it on the night stand next to his bed. As he was blowing out the candles, he heard her voice. It was a panicked voice and it was something that usually was a prelude to her nightmares. He had learned her tones and could tell the girl was asleep. Rather than staying in the bedroom he was in, Gale slipped out of bed. He hadn't been asleep yet but he knew he needed to start being a bit more proactive in helping her get over her nightmares. If he could offer her some reprieve from the horror, even if it meant hugging her and telling her she was alright, he knew it was something he had to do. Not just for her. He wanted her to know that through everything, she had him. Even if Gale wasn't allowing himself to get too close or too invested, he was still her friend. She deserved that from him at the very least.

Walking down the short hall, he slowly opened her bedroom door. He saw her uneasily tossing and turning but she hadn't gone into the usual tailspin of her nightmares. Gale sat down on the edge of her bed and his hand moved to smooth over her hair in a soothing manner. It was more him testing the waters to see if he could ease her suffering because if he couldn't, he felt like he had no reason to even want her in his heart again. This was not the same girl that he fell in love with and he had consciously come to terms with that. She was a battered and bruised woman who had gone through horrors most couldn't have begun to understand, let alone relate to. He could barely relate to it. He never had to kill innocent children in a fight for his own life as Katniss had to in the Hunger Games. Not once, but twice. He understood that underneath the same beautiful girl that he had always loved, there was so much pain. There was a storm that never ceased. He couldn't hold her accountable for everything she had done in the past due to the fact that a lot of what had transpired between them was beyond her control. Katniss had been given a downright shitty hand in life that was even worse than Gale's own struggles.

As he stroked her hair, Katniss turned toward the touch. Gale anticipated that she thought it was Peeta, as he had been the one to comfort her time and time again when she had nightmares. He was surprised, though, as he could make out very limited in the murmurs and mumbles from her sleep induced coma.

"Don't hurt him... don't take Gale away...Please..."

Her words were barely coherent but Gale made them out clearly. He seemed confused but his hand continued to attempt soothing her. He wanted to take away the demons before they struck her and caused her more harm. It was in that moment that Gale realized that he still did love her a great deal as her suffering made him hurt. It was an invisible suffering, too, which made it worse. He physically could do nothing to stop it. It was all inside of her own head and it would haunt her for the rest of her life. It was a moment where Gale had to decide if it was a demon he was willing to cope with and live with. He had to decide if Katniss was worth it. He briefly thought of Alexis, the young woman from The Capitol that he had previously tried dating off and on, and wondered if he would have done the same for her. He could say without a shadow of a doubt that the answer was no. Alexis was a sweet, charming young woman and a heart worth caring for, but she was not Katniss. It was said that first loves died hardest and Gale knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt to be true.

He could visibly see Katniss relaxing from the soft, gentle touches that he was giving her. He leaned down just enough so he could press a kiss to her forehead and the gesture was so simple to him. He saw her body loosen from tension from the gesture and she seemed to find peace in his touches. Gale exhaled a deep breath, soothing himself from the feelings that were coursing through him. He had no idea how he felt but as soon as he saw he could help her, and as soon as he knew that he was involved in the dreams somehow, he knew that he had lost his own game. It had taken him almost five weeks to realize the things he was realizing in that moment but it was perhaps for the best that time moved slowly. He still was on his guard but he knew that if Katniss left and she didn't want anything to do with him again – for whatever reason – that it was going to hurt him. He didn't want to be made a fool of again but he realized beyond anything that if anyone was worth a struggle, it was her. She had always been worth it and he just had to remember that.

"Nobody's going to take him from you," Gale said quietly to Katniss as she slept, his hand moving to hold onto her hand. He felt her fingers interlock tightly with his and that reaction made him smile slightly. "Only you could take him away from you, Catnip."

Gale went to get up once he saw she was calm again but part of him didn't understand why he didn't. He felt compelled to at least be with her for a little while longer to make sure that she stayed asleep and stayed asleep peacefully. He brought her closer to him and his strong arms wrapped around her smaller frame, bringing her close to his chest. Katniss was still asleep but she leaned into his touch and her face turned in against his neck. She knew that scent was his even in her sleep and she didn't struggle against that closeness. Gale felt an odd sense of completion overtake him as he laid with her. What Gale wasn't expecting was to fall asleep with her. Gale held her through the night and Katniss didn't wake up screaming. She didn't wake up in a cold sweat and she didn't get upset from whatever it was she was dreaming about. Gale's strong, pronounced presence helped keep her grounded and it was a night that she slept well after the initial unpleasant dream she had been having. She was not expecting to find him next to her when she woke up, much less to find herself wrapped up in his arms, but she didn't move right away after waking up. The sunlight was shining into the room, illuminating the room with the first natural light of the day. Katniss felt weightless and light. No burden weighed heavy on her chest. There was a comfort there that she wasn't entirely sure she'd ever achieve.

Her head rested against Gale's chest as his arms remained around her. The saddest part for her was she could always remember her nightmares. She used to dream about losing those she loved but then her nightmares became about losing Peeta. She never thought she'd get past those. Growing apart from Peeta was something that still weighed heavily on her and she wondered if leaving was a good decision or not largely because she felt like she owed Peeta a great deal for how much he did for her. He fought back from being hijacked for her and she left him. She had her remorse from the situation but she couldn't let herself lie anymore. Her heart was laying in bed with her and he looked so peaceful when he slept. She had no idea what Gale was dreaming about but she saw the slightest smile crease the corner of his lips and she found herself smiling a little simply from how contagious it was. The boy was so beautiful when he smiled and Katniss learned to appreciate those little things that she often overlooked before. Gale was something worth cherishing and she knew that now more than she ever had known it before.

Minutes passed. It felt like a decade of time, really, but Katniss got lost in the moment itself. She closed her eyes, her back against his front, his arms around her. Her hands rested against his forearms and her head tilted back against Gale's shoulder. She exhaled a deep, relaxed breath and she felt warmth filling her body from the smallest touches. Being so close with him with no inhibitions and no preset notions was the simplest pleasure s he could remember feeling. She was momentarily startled though when warmth touched her ear of his breath.

"How long have you been awake?"

His words were spoken in a gruff, yet soft tone. She could hear the sleep in his words but that made her smile. She didn't answer immediately but when she did, she didn't speak much louder than a whisper. She had no need to with how close they were. It would have put a damper on the ambiance of the mood, she thought.

"Not long." She replied. "I was surprised to see you in here..."

"You were having a nightmare." Gale absently pressed a kiss to the side of her shoulder. "I tried to help. I think I did okay, because you relaxed and slept through the night."

Of course he tried to help, she thought to herself. She smiled from the thought, not just from the gesture he made of kissing her shoulder. It was such a pure and simple gesture on Gale's part and so pure in intention. He would hug her and give her kisses to the side of her head often but there was something so cute about how sweet that was. She was learning about herself and her own emotions since being in District 2 and away from everything familiar. It was forcing her to learn about herself and what she liked, what she was interested in, what made her tick and ultimately, what made her heart beat. Katniss could say beyond a shadow of a doubt that her heart's very beat was Gale. She should have known that it would always be Gale but she was too stubborn, too caught up and too blind to see what was obvious to everyone but herself. Peeta's jealousy of Gale was for a good reason. She really did love him.

"You helped more than you know," Katniss told him honestly. "Thank you..."

"I do what I can."

He was so modest about it but Katniss knew that he could have easily held it over her head about how unstable she was. She knew, unfortunately, better than most how unstable she was. She had so much wrong with her that she had no idea how anyone stuck around. It wasn't like she was a normal person with normal issues. She was beyond repair in so many ways and she was barely an adult herself. She knew that she should have felt secure in the fact that Gale didn't turn her away and didn't shut her out but she was perpetually terrified. She was terrified of losing herself, but more so, she was becoming scared again of losing Gale. That fear was like a vise around her throat and it wouldn't relinquish despite how difficult it was for her to breathe. Rather than saying anything else, Katniss turned so she was facing him and her face found placement in his chest. He seemed a little confused but he laughed a little at her.

"What's this about?" He inquired but she didn't lift her head. If anything, it made her hold him a little closer.

"I want to."

"Oh, yeah? Is that so?"

"You're ruining it, Gale, stop talking."

He laughed out loud, albeit quietly, at her comment. How typically Katniss. He kissed the top of her head and kept his arms around her, hugging her close to him. It felt pretty natural and for a brief point in time, Gale's guard was completely down. All he could do was savor the simplistic sweetness of the moment they were sharing. She was so effortlessly affectionate and it was something Gale wasn't expecting when he woke up that morning. He was hardly complaining, though. He was experiencing something he could have only dreamt about with her. Taking the time to be like that was something Gale wasn't going to take for granted, even if it was only that one time. She was being so clingy, so touchy and so comfortable in it all that he couldn't turn her away even if he wanted to. The truth was, though, that he didn't want to. He wanted to savor what he had as long as he had it.


	10. TEN: HEART'S KNOCKING -KE-

[ **Title** ] Dreaming Alone

[ **Author** ] Lena Horror

[ **Genre** ] The Hunger Games Trilogy

[ **Story Genre** ] Angst / Drama

[ **Pairing** ] Katniss Everdeen/Gale Hawthorne  & Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark

[ **Word Count** ] 29K

[ **Author Note** ] I'm sorry for the lengthy delay in update! Life got pretty crazy for a while but here's a new chapter! I'm going to try to do a chapter every few days until I reach the end of this. My fingers are crossed I can do so! All of you guys have been so damn amazing and I'm grateful for the kind words and praise you've given this story. I think I've said it before that this is my first fanfiction in a very long time and the response has been overwhelming. I appreciate you all so much! - LH

[ **Chapter Note** ] Adult themes! Fair warned!

* * *

 **CHAPTER TEN: HEART'S KNOCKING LIKE A TICKING BOMB -KE-**

I admit, the first two weeks after the discussion I had with Peeta were the absolute hardest two weeks of my adult life. You know, that wasn't plagued by war and rebellion. There were so many emotions that I had to endure that I never wanted to address and yet I had no other choice but to do so.

By that time, I had already decided that our relationship had run its course, but it didn't make it any easier. I knew in my heart that while I loved Peeta, I needed to move past him to grow and to become my own person. Our co-dependency spawned from the Games and that chapter of my life was thankfully over. I would never deny loving Peeta because I truly did, for what felt like forever during those very difficult years, but the only time that it became more evident that love was there, was when one of us were in trouble. That wasn't the kind of love I needed in my life and wasn't what I needed to grow into my own person, either. I had many issues with our romance but none of them were all that important previous to my decision to visit Gale. Peeta's anger revolving around my interest in seeing my childhood best friend opened flood gates and made me do a lot of re-evaluation and a lot of thinking.

I also didn't realize that visiting Gale, seeing him do so many wonderful things, seeing his smile... would remind me of all the reasons I loved him previously.

I said, many times, that there was nothing romantic between Gale and I but I think that was me lying to myself. I did that a lot. It was the easier way to cope with things. Or at least, I felt that at the time. It was a situation that I ended up putting myself into and something that required me getting myself out of it. There was no way to do it without someone getting hurt but at the same time, I had to handle my business as best as I could.

Contrary to popular belief, nobody is perfect. I'm not perfect, nor will I claim to be. I made my fair share of mistakes but that was what I was trying to rectify. It was all a matter of how one sees themselves and I was getting to a point in my life that I could look in a mirror and not absolutely detest the reflection looking back at me. I was becoming less and less revolted by my own face because I felt like I was making progress in becoming something more... someone _better_.

Hearing the sleep and gruffness in Gale's voice when I woke up next to him that morning was something I was not anticipating how it would make me feel. It was a simple thing but for some reason it had a rather overwhelming effect on me. Knowing that he came into the room to help me cope with a nightmare while sleeping was something that meant the world to me and it made me feel secure in my choices of coming to see him. If anyone understood me, the very inner workings that made me who I am, it was Gale. He had known me for so long, too long perhaps, that he knew how to handle my best and certainly my worst.

I never found it easy to be emotionally available, for anyone, but I always found unspoken comfort in Gale. There was never any expectations between us which was probably what made me so comfortable with him. More than that, though, **I knew him**. I knew all of Gale's problems, what made him smile, what angered him, I knew his family life, I knew his fears, I embraced his imperfections for as long as I could possibly remember... There was nobody in the world that I knew on a level quite like the level I knew Gale on. That made me feel comfortable and it made me feel like I belonged there. Finding a place where you feel like that is something not many truly achieve in their lifetime but all I had to do was look into his eyes and I felt something so unfamiliar to me: _I felt home_.

When Gale stopped talking was when things got a little out of hand. I say 'out of hand' but I mean it not in a negative way. I found myself getting completely lost in his arms, in the warm breath of his that I felt against my otherwise cool skin, the sound of his heartbeat in a pitter-patter rhythm that was soothing as anything I have ever known. In that moment, I caught my own heartbeat and it was nothing like Gale's. There was a harsher thud in my throat and chest, for reasons I couldn't quite figure out. Being that close to Gale never bothered me and I couldn't say it bothered me then, but he was having a non-threatening yet adverse effect on me. How completely and startlingly overwhelming...

It took a long few minutes of silence before I did something about the thoughts that pounded furiously inside of my head. I had become a chronic over-thinker and was terrified that I was going to do something Gale would hate, but then it hit me: he must have wanted me there but more than that, he and I had an unspoken connection. If I did something he didn't like, he would tell me and we would move on from it. We always had that sort of relationship. So I did what my heart was telling my head to execute. I turned my head so I was looking at him and within seconds that felt like tiny eternities in and of themselves, I leaned in to him and brushed my lips over his. There was a bit of hesitation, largely because I was testing the waters to see if he would follow suit. Much to my surprise, I felt the warmth and passion from his lips radiate to mine and we were engaged in a kiss. I thought my heart was going to stop briefly as soon as it registered that he responded positively, and from there, my mind spiraled.

The kiss lasted for a couple minutes but it was the longest couple of minutes I could remember. The entire world around me stopped existing for it and that spoke volumes to me louder than any spoken word ever could. I felt anxious, the pit of my stomach was ignited with fire and emotion, my heart rate was beating exponentially quicker than I could remember it ever doing from a kiss and that made me want so much more. We said nothing at first but of course, Gale broke the silence between us.

"What was that for?" He inquired, his eyes opening to look into mine. I swallowed a lump in my throat to attempt words.

"I wanted to." I said quietly.

"Yeah? That was pretty nice, you know. Not the worst thing ever." His voice had a lilt of teasing behind it, in true Gale fashion. He couldn't even kiss me without being that same snarky jerk I knew and adored. Typical.

"Would it be bad if I did it again?"

Rather than sounding coy, I said exactly what I was thinking. I wanted to kiss him again and I wanted to know where he stood on the idea. If he didn't want it, I knew he'd tell me, so it was why I was straight with him. That lack of coy nature and nervous confidence I withheld elicited a smirk from Gale. That was never a good thing...

Within seconds, no spoken words came about, but I found myself on my back looking up at him. His slate blue eyes looked over my facial features before he leaned in and the warmth found me once more. His lips felt silken and inviting and I found myself becoming lost in his touch. It was the type of lost I didn't want to be found from. The kiss was soft and relatively innocent for a bit; it was almost a feeling each other out process. Something we didn't do before. We kissed, sure, but that was where it ended. I never had the opportunity to touch him like that. The pads of my fingers drew from his shoulders, down his back and eventually back up to his face. He was so defined in all of the right places; his body was built like a soldier and a warrior, strong and something worth admiring. I noticed him shiver when my nails lightly scratched against his skin and that triggered my curiosity greatly. My hands rested against his neck on either side, engaging in that kiss that was getting a bit more overwhelming by the moment.

As soon as I felt his tongue tease against mine, my entire body became tense. I responded to it by kissing him back in that slightly deeper, more sensual manner and that caused so many sensations to be triggered throughout my being. It was like every nerve ending inside of my body found a way to trigger and shoot off at once. I don't know what possessed me to do it but my hands moved back to Gale's back and I drew my nails against his skin in a teasing, soft manner to get a reaction out of him. What I got was his back arching against the touch. His lips parted from mine and before I knew it, I felt them on my neck and my head was tilted back. I was on auto-pilot. My head was swimming with prospect and possibility. The overwhelmed sensation returned and I knew the only cure for that was to touch him, feel him, and experience him.

"That's really nice," I murmured to Gale, a bit more breath behind the words than I meant to allow.

My fingertips stopping at the top of his pants as I toyed with the idea of perhaps testing my luck. For the moment, I waited. _Patience_. He said nothing. His lips trailed from my neck, down my throat and to my chest. One of my hands soon found its way into his hair and the strands got a slight tug from the sensations he was giving me. It was an involuntary response. There was an almost effortless, seamless transition from the simple touches to something far more. I decided not to overthink it and allow whatever may come to do just that. I wanted to know what it was like to give in to inhibitions and desire and want. There was a requirement to enjoy and memorize every detail, which got a bit cloudy in my own head as his mouth explored my body. I never knew that something so simple could feel so good and make me so jaded so quickly. That was until I felt his mouth warming the very part of my body that ached for his touch after the heated make out.

I thought my head was going to explode off of my shoulders as soon as the warmth of his tongue explored my most intimate spots. Mindlessly, my fingers became entwined and wrapped into the bed sheets underneath my body. I barely had recollection of Gale undressing me because the neediness that I was feeling surpassed any common sense or thought process. The few minutes of him using his tongue and fingers to loosen me up and turn me on was some of the most exciting intimacy I could remember feeling. It wasn't my first time being sexual with someone but it was the first time that I felt so intensely from it. Sex was fun and it felt good but what I was feeling with Gale was insurmountable. I felt hot all over and a tension snap inside of me the more his tongue skillfully divided and conquered.

"Son of a bitch, Gale..."

The gasp that came from me following the blatant inability I had to breathe was loud and very appreciative. He smirked as he looked up at me from between my legs and then, before I knew it, he was eye level again. I felt tingly and warm and sensitive all over but having him between my legs in that moment made me want so much more. I could feel that he was aroused himself how he was laying on me and I went with what I knew. I used my hand to feel over the hardened muscle but the more I touched him, the harder it got. That not only impressed me but it made me tingle. I wanted to know what it felt like to have that inside of me more than anything so my mind went straight to that. It was enough to make me wetter, as if I needed to be like that. I was already so taken by him and so aroused.

"Are you sure about this?" Gale's words were spoken in an almost frustrated tone but in true Gale fashion, he wanted to make sure it was something I wouldn't regret.

"I've never been more sure about anything. I want this. I want you. Please."

The politeness was unintentional but it caused him to chuckle at the very least. He didn't expect that, nor did I. Saying 'please' to sex was not something I ever did before, either, but he had me in such a head space that I felt the urge and need to be polite. As soon as our bodies became one and he filled me, I knew then and there: This was what I had wanted. More than want, I needed Gale. There was a connection from the initial penetration I never knew could be achieved with another human being and that alone made me breathless and aroused.

Every painfully slow, deep thrust into my body put me in another dimension of thought. Every inch that became part of my body was better than the last and before I knew it, I was shamelessly moaning his name, praising his prowess and aching from the sheer pleasure that coursed through me. Time passed and I found myself wanting to do so much more, another position... another way to feel him deeper inside of me. Rather than being on my back, I turned my back to him and was on all fours on the bed we were sharing. As soon as I told him I wanted more, his entire length filled me back up. I felt him so much deeper that time and that was all I required. It didn't take long in the new position for me to find my confidence, either. Every time I pushed back against him, I could feel the eagerness from Gale. His hands gripped against my hips from behind and he pulled me back to meet his rhythm. One of my hands reached down and I began to rub against the sensitive nub between my own legs while he made love to me, which only got more sounds from my throat and mouth. It seemed like every time I got loud, it motivated Gale to go harder and faster. I couldn't have asked for better. Bluntly speaking, I had wanted to do this for years but it was only now that I realized Gale could fucked me like nobody else could have.

He knew my tolerance for pain from our childhood so he didn't baby me in this new adventure. He pushed me hard, to the point I swore the very bed below us was going to break, but it didn't. I thought I was going to break too but just like the bed, I persevered. The emotions that I felt were far more than just a romp in bed. My desire to please him was purely out of the unwavering love that I felt for him. Making love to him showed me more than I could have imagined and it made me realize how in love with Gale Hawthorne I really, truly was. It wasn't even the sex that made me fall in love with him, it was the care that he showed me and the emotions it triggered from me. I never had to tell him what to do and I never had to explain to him why I didn't like something. In fact, nothing he did was disliked. Everything he threw at me was welcomed and thinking about it after the fact still made me aroused.

Hours passed before our bodies collapsed onto the bed. I was sweaty, a complete mess and sore but it was the kind of sore that was invited. Gale kissed my shoulder and then kissed my lips, his attention to care and detail still making me feel a little weak and lightheaded.

"You want to take a bath? I got a little crazy, there..." He said with a soft laugh, almost shy, but I merely smiled.

"A little crazy but it was amazing." I assured him. "I'll take that bath though. You'll join me, right?"

"Didn't you get enough of me?" There was that joking lilt again. I laughed.

"Not a chance."


End file.
